Posted by

Allen Adams Allen Adams
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

edge staff writer

Share

Celebrity Slam - Breaking down beefs

January 22, 2019
Rate this item
(0 votes)

You might think that we’d get sick of venturing off into the internet in search of ridiculous feuds between famous people. You might think it – but you’d be wrong. We LOVE seeing the stupid things that celebrities choose to get mad about. Celebrity beef is the most delicious beef.

But not all celebrity beefs are created equal.

There are a few different beefs floating around out there right now – some are low-grade, while others are top-tier. Determining beef quality hinges on a number of factors; collective fame, degree of pettiness, preexisting connections, outright lunacy and so on.

For instance, there’s the beef between Lezhae Lowder and Alexis Skyy. This one scores high in categories like preexisting connections (children fathered – or allegedly fathered – by rapper Fetty Wap) and outright lunacy (Lezhae reportedly pulled a knife on Alexis and her crew at a White Castle – an action that led to a full-on brawl).

However, there’s not much here in the way of pettiness. And in perhaps the most heavily-weighted category, they score poorly – they’re just not that famous, which means that their admittedly big swings don’t fully connect.

Sometimes, beef can be diluted if the targets are too numerous. Take Soulja Boy – a sentiment we didn’t expect anyone would be expressing in 2019, but who the hell knows anymore? – who has been throwing shade in full-on kitchen sink mode. The dude is going hardest after Tyga, even though the reason for their feud – a dispute over who had the larger comeback in 2018 – is stupid.

But he’s also taking shots at Kanye and rapper Famous Dex as well, all while ALSO going hard with the self-hype as he weirdly claims credit for digital music and the career of Justin Bieber. Now, a couple of these things, fine – but it’s just too much. The signal is lost in the noise.

And then, you’ve got prime cuts like the ongoing beef between rapper Future and Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. This is a beef that checks all of the boxes in a major way. In terms of preexisting connections, well – Wilson is married to singer Ciara, who also happens to be the mother of Future’s child. So that’s a pretty big one. The fame quotient is off the charts, what with the intersect of entertainment and sports, not to mention the addition of a third pretty-damned-famous person into the mix. And while there has been plenty of craziness in the past, we’re going to focus on a recent example of extraordinary pettiness.

See, Future recently spent part of an interview calling Wilson’s masculinity into question, claiming that Ciara ordered Wilson around and basically told him what to do before offering that he would never let his girl trash an ex on social media and that Wilson wasn’t being a man. In a magnificent moment of passive-aggression, Wilson simply posted a picture on Instagram of Future Jr. – Future’s son with Ciara – and Wilson’s daughter Sienna nuzzling, captioned simply “All that matters. #Love.”

(chef kiss) Magnificent.

That moment is the kind of moment that separates the merely good beef from the Wagyu. Think about how beautifully that clapback is constructed. Russell Wilson has found a way to take both the high road AND the low road at the same time. On the one hand, you’ve got a sweet and tender sentiment about the notion that all that matters is that these two children love and are loved. On the other hand, you’ve got a guy posting a picture of your kid with his kid and essentially weaponizing your own flesh and blood against you. Either hand could be the one holding the truth. That’s what’s so brilliant about it.

Ultimately, yes – Future/Ciara/Russell Wilson is the Kobe beef in this scenario. But here’s the thing – even if a steak isn’t exceptional, it’s still pretty good. You can still be perfectly satisfied by the scattered (but still tasty) sirloin that is Soulja Boy. Even the ground hamburger of Lezhae/Alexis will be delicious with the proper preparation.

So have no fear – we will continue to grill up the tasty treat that is celebrity beef here at Celebrity Slam. We will do our best to bring the sizzle you’ve come to expect.

Bon appetit!

Latest from Allen Adams

back to top