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Emily Morrison Emily Morrison
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The Twilight of Twilight'

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You know, I'm a sensible woman. I like to think that we're all sensible people. We may read books, watch movies, and play Sudoku to escape the humdrum of everyday life, but we've still got our wits about us. We don't need fairy-tales, so why, oh why, when Kristen and Rob broke up, did it hurt so much?

You may think I'm kidding. What kind of grown woman - English teacher extraordinaire, mother of three - could seriously feel heartbreak over the breakup of two 20-somethings in Hollywood? It's not like I'm going to film myself crying copiously into my Kleenex on YouTube. I'm not about to put on a public display of my private mourning, though I am writing about it in a newspaper (the warning signs were there all along).

It just upsets me. It upsets me like Tom and Nicole upset me. It upsets me like the Pats losing the Super Bowl, twice, upset my husband (and all of New England for that matter). Thank the Lord I had already parked the car when the 'this just in' female voice interrupted public programming to report the dissolution of Pattinson's and Stewart's four year love-fest. That would have been a 'Mama has to pull the car over' moment, and it would have had nothing to do with disciplining the masses.

Here's the thing: After I heard the news, I couldn't talk about it. I said to my husband, 'We must never speak of this.' This is the twilight of my 'Twilight' obsession. There will be no more discussion of all the intricacies involved in a vampire/human love story, no more late night 'I just can't sleep; let's pop in Twilight'' movie viewings, no more 'I can't believe Kristen and Rob are a real-life couple' conversations with my sister. The end of an era, of believing in make-believe, has finally hit me, and I'm devastated.

And I know I'm not alone in my devastation. Millions of fans, thousands of reporters, bloggers and cyber-stalkers are right there with me. The question the rest of the rationale world wants answered is simple: Why? It was just a story, made up by a woman, about two fictional characters. What do K-Stew and R-Patz have to do with the price of tea in China?

Good question, folks. They don't have anything to do with it at all. As their director Rob Condon put it, 'The fact is, these are actors playing parts, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that people be reminded of that.' Yes, yes, yes. We knew they were actors before they became an item. But after, when they fell in love with each other, that's when the mind-bending delusions began. We want to believe that life imitates art. We want the fairy-tale. We just didn't know how much we wanted it, until it actually happened. Hey, if it can't happen for us, at least two lucky blokes got it right. (I'm just speaking for the masses here. Personally, I married a Greek god.)

But even if you're lucky like me, living the dream on a daily basis, there are plenty of less than perfect moments in real life that in no way stack up against the cinematically stunning love stories we see in film. Even the actors themselves want to believe the love story. Why else would so many end up involved with their co-stars? The list of reel-to-real celebrity couples is endless: Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe, Lea Michele and Cory Monteith, Zoe Saldana and Bradley Cooper, Liz Taylor and anyone she ever appeared on the silver screen with. No one, it seems, is impervious to the magic of Hollywood, not even Hollywood.

The reality is, real life is hard. In our mundane, normal relationships we say things like, 'Move over, you're hogging the bed.' We have to make concessions like, 'If you cook supper, I swear I'll clean off the table.' We barter over whose turn it is to bathe the children. These little exchanges are the bread and butter of healthy, reality-laden couples. We may not discuss vacations on the French Riviera (does Bar Harbor count?), but we talk about how different Kristen and Rob seem from the rest of those glamorous couples we believed in before. They read for fun (like we do), they have cozy nights in (like we do), they have picture shoots (like we do at Penny's). We're basically the same, right?

That's where we go wrong. We need to remember that someone else's love story (fact or fiction) in no way reflects our own. The only real celebrity love-fest we can truly understand is our own. Yes, my husband's a cheapskate and I'm a spendthrift. Yes, when I ask him about my hair, his eyes go vacant. But when he takes out the trash, my heart sings. In fact, as he removes the smelly bags from the house I serenade him with, 'I, I, love you like a love song, baby. And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat.'

I wonder if Selena and Justin are still together...


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