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YetiFoot-Greyman to host corporate summit

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In this March 2017 file photo, true Giant icon Am Fear Liath Mor, known as the Big Grey Man, speaks at a press conference outside YetiFoot's corporate headquarters in St. Pomme de Terre. In this March 2017 file photo, true Giant icon Am Fear Liath Mor, known as the Big Grey Man, speaks at a press conference outside YetiFoot's corporate headquarters in St. Pomme de Terre. (edge file photo/Allen Adams)

ST. POMME DE TERRE – In what should come as no surprise to regular readers of these pages, the cryptid consortium in the small northern Maine hamlet of St. Pomme de Terre are back in the news.

The past couple of years have seen the merger of YetiFoot Industries with OG cryptid-fronted footwear company Greyman Galoshes really thrive, with the combined forces of Bigfoot, the Yeti and the Scottish giant ape-man Am Fear Liath Mor (AKA Greyman) cornering the market on high-end outdoor footwear.

While industry leaders like L.L. Bean and Patagonia can’t be thrilled with the ever-rising popularity of YetiFoot-Greyman, there’s not a single executive out there who won’t admit – however begrudgingly – that they’re actually quite fond of the YF-G leadership.

It’s that inherent likability that has led YF-G to invite other industry giants to their corporate HQ in St. Pomme de Terre for a summit of sorts, a state of the industry-type gathering where ideas might be exchanged to the benefit of all.

“Bigfoot, Yeti and Greyman are all big believers in the notion of a rising tide raising all boats,” said Tim Dunn, a VP at The North Face. “And they’re not all talk – well, not all grunts and hoots; they actually shared some of their proprietary designs in a show of good faith. Not that they needed one, because those towering missing links are as honest and forthright as anyone in this business.”

Leonard Carlton, an executive for L.L. Bean, agrees.

“I thought it was crazy when I first heard about this,” he admitted. “I mean, they’re giant ape-men that time and evolution forgot – how are they going to run a footwear company? But they’ve really shown themselves to be savvy businesscryptids, finding ways to secure their place in the industry without ever once behaving in a ruthless or unethical fashion. Their acumen is astonishing.”

None of this surprises the residents of St. Pomme de Terre, of course. They’ve heard this song before.

“Never gonna not be funny, these city-types bein’ all surprised when it turns out that Bigfoot or Yeti is tack-sharp and drum-tight,” said local lumberman Mark Pelletier.

Pelletier – who became a bit of a local celebrity when Bigfoot requested that he run for the Board of Selectmen when Bigfoot’s term expired – went on to share what the success of YetiFoot-Greyman (not to mention its owners) has meant for his town.

“It’s amazin’, no doubt,” he said. “It was odd when Bigfoot showed up back in the day, but now it’s like he’s always been here. Yeti too, though he ain’t quite as outgoin’ as Bigfoot. Still, you hear things – Yeti’s apparently always writin’ big checks to philanthropic organizations, but he keeps real quiet about it. And Greyman, well, he’s been great, even if he does still live over there in Scotland most of the time. When he’s around, he ain’t nothin’ but a gentleman.

“We’re home to one of the fastest-growing companies in the world,” he said. “Ain’t that a kick in the head?”

News of the conference was the hot topic at the local diner, according to waitress Wanda Arsenault.

“We’re real excited to have these folks come to the Terre,” she said. “Makes us feel real cosmopolitan. Not that we really get starstruck anymore; pretty much all them rich folks have come through here over the past couple of years. You know who’s nice? Warren Buffett. Smiles a lot, polite, good tipper – class act.”

Still, no matter how many titans of industry might roll through town, there’s only room for three at the top of the St. Pomme de Terre heap – three enormous man-apes from outside the mists of time.

“We’ve got Bigfoot and Yeti, plus Grayman,” Pelletier said. “Who else do ya need?”

(In case you haven’t already figured it out, this is our April Fools’ Day edition. As such, there will be stories that are completely and totally made up. This is one such story.)

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