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Two bads make a worse

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Google and MySpace announce ill-conceived partnership

EDITOR'S NOTE: (This story is from The Maine Edge's annual April Fools Day edition. As such, you can safely assume that most of it - if not all of it - is totally made-up.)

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA Two floundering social networking sites have announced plans to combine their forces and create a much larger floundering social networking site.

Google+ and MySpace are going forward with plans to merge their two sparsely-populated websites into a new entity, tentatively (and unfortunately) titled GooSpace+.

'It all comes down to schadenfreude,' stated a Google representative in a limited press release. 'We're absolutely miserable about the whole Google+ debacle, so we started thinking Who has been hit harder than us by that Zuckerberg punk?' In a flash, the answer came to us: MySpace.

'We figured they must really hate that guy.'

Overtures were made to MySpace starting in the early fall of 2011, although in truth, said overtures were really just a bunch of Google execs going to a Justin Timberlake concert and partying backstage.

'Oh yeah. They came to me with this idea and I was like, that's the bomb!' exclaimed an effusive Timberlake, who is a co-owner of MySpace. 'I was all like I don't care what they say, Google+ is dope.''

Timberlake then leaned in conspiratorially.

'But then I was all like But MySpace is dope too, yo' and they were all like Yeah it is.' We went from there.'

And go they did. Individually, both sites are largely devoid of population, although MySpace at least has the remnants of a once-great online community. Those isolated outposts still stand. Meanwhile, Google+ has never been populated by much beyond tumbleweeds. Together, however, these two combine to create the largest chunk of unused, unwanted social networking real estate in the entirety of the Internet.

The current plan is to launch the rebranded GooSpace+ in the height of summer in order to minimize the number of casual users who will actually be spending time indoors. There have also been talks regarding massive half-screen ads and a complete elimination of pop-up blockers, as well as a much more complicated sign-in process. In addition, the site will be designed to immediately transmit any and all personal information to Google headquarters, as well as to three completely random strangers.

'When it comes to Google+, our company motto has always been If you can't beat em, flail mindlessly at them until you fail in a truly epic fashion,'' said a Google employee speaking under the condition of anonymity. 'I'm not one for guarantees, but if I was a betting man, I'd say that GooSpace+ has a chance to be the most epic of them all. This project has the potential to be one of our company's most magnificent screw-ups.'

He paused to wipe away a tear.

'Such vast emptiness. It will be beautiful.'


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