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Todd Parker

Todd Parker

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Thursday, 22 March 2012 09:47

Ask Todd Parker - March 21, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a guy who just turned 30. I broke up with my girlfriend of five years about a year ago. I decided that if I didn't want to marry her I was just stringing both of us along. My dating life before her was easier since I was still in college, going to parties, and constantly meeting new people. Now I am in the realm of the adult dating world and have been a bit lost but learning quickly.

I met a girl about six months after the breakup and started hanging out semi-regularly; very low-key. I'm not looking for any kind of serious relationship or anything, but I don't know - I've been in a long-term relationship for so much of my dating life that it's all I know.

Thursday, 15 March 2012 07:07

Ask Todd Parker - March 14, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I recently married the love of my life. He is a sweet, caring, generous, wonderful man. We have a great relationship and I couldn't ask for anything more. The only thing is that he really likes to hit the bars with his friends two or three times a week. I'm never asked to go and it's almost as if he doesn't want me along. 

The problem is I know there are other women in the places he goes, and some of them are kind of sketchy and would probably sleep with any man with a pulse who looked their way. They're not the kind of people I would want to be around anyway, but I don't want him around them either.

When he goes with his friends, he sometimes doesn't get home until after midnight. The lateness doesn't really bother me because I really do trust him, and it is a small town so I'll know if something happens. The temptation is there though, and if anything happens, what's done is done. For all I know, he could have already slept his way through every trashy woman in town. His friends, most of whom are single, are no better.

Thursday, 08 March 2012 14:54

Ask Todd Parker - March 7, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

My roommate is a great guy, but he's kind of antisocial. On the rare occasion that we can convince him to hang out, it's always a lot of fun, but most of the time, he just sits in his room and messes around online.

So his birthday was the other day. Me and the other guys (there are four of us living there) decided to take him out to the bar. He whined a bunch, but we finally got him to go. After we got there, it was a blast. Folks showed up with cake. The guy didn't pay for a drink all night. He got pretty wasted and wound up hooking up with our friend Jess (not her real name).

Wednesday, 29 February 2012 13:30

Ask Todd Parker - February 29, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

My boyfriend's parents hate me.

We've been dating for almost two years now, but ever since day one, they've hated me. Whenever I go along with my boyfriend to visit them, they take every opportunity to dig into me. It's not blatant most of the time, my boyfriend doesn't even notice. But those digs are there.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 10:23

Ask Todd Parker - February 22, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

A buddy and I have been debating something for a while now and I thought it was something that you might have an interesting take on.

We have this mutual friend. Call him Jeff. A couple of years ago, Jeff dated this girl for about six months. They broke up, but they still liked each other afterward. No hard feelings or anything. They both moved on from there. A couple of months after they ended things, Jeff met his current girlfriend and they're very happy.

Wednesday, 09 November 2011 10:50

The greatest of all time

What's up, losers? 

As some of you may have heard, I recently received a contract extension with the fine folks here at The Maine Edge. As part of their lucrative, yet still not quite Parker-worthy settlement, we've agreed that I more than deserve a retrospective of my typically-excellent work from this wonderful year.

It's clear that you people out there, despite all of my scorn, disdain and abuse, simply can't get enough of the main man. Your constant clamoring for more, more, more Parker can no longer be ignored.

And so, despite the fact that I'm not at all sure you idiots deserve it, here are a few of my favorite letters and responses from 2011. Enjoy it, morons. If the words are too big for you, try and track down someone with half a brain to sound them out for you.

And always remember - Todd Parker doesn't like you. At all. In fact, he probably hates you.

Much love.

Wednesday, 02 November 2011 16:27

Ask Todd Parker - 11-02-11

Dear Todd Parker,

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a little over a year now. I always enjoy the time that I spend with him and he really goes out of his way to show me that he cares about me. There's a problem, though.

I hate his friends.

Maybe not hate, at least not most of them. Although they're all kind of jerks. But his best friend 'Dave' (not his real name) is a giant pain. He just sucks. I've spent the past year trying to like him, but he's always just such a prick. When he's around, my boyfriend spends almost all of his time talking to him. When he does involve me in the conversation, he's always pointing out issues and causing problems.

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