Todd Parker

Todd Parker

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Wednesday, 27 March 2013 14:15

Satellite shenanigans

Visiting the lunar landscape

MOONBASE ALPHA, The Moon What's up, losers? Me, that's what!

Some of you might have been wondering what's been going on with the Main Man since my illustrious advice (the only reason to pick up this rag in the first place) has been unavailable these past months. Well, due to certain celestial confluences, I can tell you where I've been.


Wednesday, 23 January 2013 14:26

Ask Todd Parker - Jan. 23, 2013

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm currently going through some pretty serious stuff in my social life; it's like nothing in my world makes any sense anymore. My whole life has been turned into a circus. I don't know if there's anyone left I can trust except you.

So I met this girl online. She was really cute and seemed super nice. We started chatting online through stuff like Facebook and Twitter. It was like she liked me for me, you know what I'm saying? From there, we started talking on the phone every once in a while. We hadn't met yet or anything, but we both have really busy schedules with school and everything, so I totally understood.

Thursday, 29 November 2012 00:24

Ask Todd Parker - Nov. 28, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

A buddy and I have been debating something for a while now and I thought it was something that you might have an interesting take on.

We have this mutual friend. Call him Jeff. A couple of years ago, Jeff dated this girl for about six months. They broke up, but they still liked each other afterward. No hard feelings or anything. They both moved on from there. A couple of months after they ended things, Jeff met his current girlfriend and they're very happy.

Monday, 29 October 2012 07:54

Ask Todd Parker - Oct. 24, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I have something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and I was hoping to get your opinion on the subject.

Why do girls have such a problem with farting?

Me and my friends, we think farts are hilarious. Always. Doesn't matter the context or the situation. When we hear that sound, we laugh. But girls don't find them nearly as amusing as we do. They wrinkle their noses and call us disgusting or whatever. They basically act like they don't fart, even though they do. Everybody farts, right?

Thursday, 27 September 2012 08:16

Ask Todd Parker - Sept. 26, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm in love. I haven't been seeing this girl for very long, but everything about her seems perfect for me. She's smart and funny, plus she's super hot. She likes a lot of the same things that I like, and we always have a good time when we go out together. So yeah, like I said, she seems perfect. There's just one little problem.

It's her cats.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 08:03

Ask Todd Parker - Sept. 19, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

What is it with the kids today?

I've been working in education for the past six years, primarily at the middle and high school levels. I got the job right out of college, so I'm still young enough that I occasionally get misidentified as a student in the high school hallways. I always thought that I'd be able to maintain some level of connection with the stuff the kids are into.

Thursday, 13 September 2012 11:34

Ask Todd Parker - Sept. 12, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I need to preface this by saying that I have no problem with kids. I like kids; sure, they can be a little irritating when they're running around and screaming and all that, but most of the children in my neighborhood are really nice, respectful kids. Besides, I understand that mischief is part of the package. Kids get up to stuff. I get it.

But there's such a thing as too far.

Thursday, 06 September 2012 07:42

Ask Todd Parker - Sept. 5, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I recently found myself in an incredibly awkward situation and I can't figure out what to do. I've asked all of my friends and we just can't come to any sort of consensus as to what the right move should be.

I was out at a bar a couple of week ago, catching up with a couple of friends after work. I got up to go to the bathroom and spotted this dude I knew from way back; hadn't seen the guy in years, but I used to hang out with him and his wife quite a bit.

Thursday, 30 August 2012 08:56

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 29, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

A really good buddy of mine started dating this girl a couple of months ago. I'd seen her around and stuff, but I didn't really know her that well. It's not like we'd ever really hung out or anything like that. Anyway, my buddy took the plunge and asked her out. All of a sudden, they're dating and now I'm seeing her more and more in a social setting.

She's f---ing terrible.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012 09:05

Ask Todd Parker - Aug. 22, 2012

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm going to be a senior in high school this year and I'm starting to look at colleges. I play a couple of sports and have a bunch of extracurricular activities and make the honor roll almost every quarter. Everyone tells me I'm going to have an easy time getting into whatever school I want to go to. I'm really lucky because my parents are pretty well-off financially. I'm not going to have to worry too much about going into debt to pay for school.

My problem is that I want to go to art school. I've been thinking about it for a long time and I finally decided this summer. When I told my parents, they freaked out. I got all these speeches about how majoring in art was useless and how I should study something that would help me get a job when I graduated. My dad even threatened to not help me pay for school, but I think my mom talked him down.

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