Tim Bissell

Tim Bissell

edge contributor

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Wednesday, 17 March 2021 13:08

Celebrity Slam - A J-Rod journey

Here at Celebrity Slam, while we spend the majority of our time taking famous folks to task for the idiotic things that they say and do, we’re well-rounded celebrity-following individuals. There’s more to us than just snark and derision. We contain multitudes, as they say.

For instance, anyone who follows this space with any degree of regularity already knows that we are lovers of lovers here at the Slam. We are HUGE fans of celebrity relationships – we’re all about coming up with those cutesy portmanteau couple names (although we freely admit that we sometimes get a little out of hand and wind up with some weird ones – our all-time favorite was “Hiddleswift” during the blink-and-you-missed-it PR-driven courtship between T-Swift and everyone’s favorite Marvel villain Tom Hiddleston) – and we enjoy watching these people find each other amidst the rarified air of celebrity culture.

On that note, we’ve always had a real soft spot in our collective heart for J-Rod, the pairing of global pop superstar Jennifer Lopez and baseball legend Alex Rodriguez. It was one of those couples where the degrees of fame seemed to level out; J.Lo is more famous than A-Rod, but not so much more famous as to create an imbalance in the dynamic, especially since the overlap in the Venn diagram between fans of either person seems relatively small.

So obviously, we were sad to hear the rumblings about trouble in that particular paradise, with reports coming out last week that the couple had broken up after four years together, officially calling off the wedding that had already been delayed twice before due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Comedian Carmen Lynch, a veteran of “The Late Show,” “Last Comic Standing,” “A Prairie Home Companion” and “Inside Amy Schumer,” is set to perform in Maine for the first time on Friday, January 10, at Empire Comedy Club, 575 Congress St. in Portland.

Tuesday, 06 August 2019 16:03

Weird National Briefs (08/07/2019)

Ambulance chasers

GASTONIA, N.C. - A North Carolina man has been charged with stealing an ambulance from a hospital parking bay and leading police on a high-speed chase.

News outlets report that the ambulance belonging to the Dallas Rescue Squad was taken from CaroMont Regional Medical Center Friday night.

Police charged 29-year-old Joshua Kyle Poindexter of Kings Mountain with larceny of a motor vehicle, fleeing to elude arrest, failing to heed a siren and reckless driving.

Authorities say GPS software allowed police to track the stolen ambulance. They said Poindexter led police on a chase that exceeded the speed limit by 15 mph (24 km/h) before he was arrested in Cherryville, almost 20 miles (32 km) away.

No one was injured.

TME – Maybe his emergency was getting away from the cops?

Wednesday, 24 April 2019 11:50

Celebrity Slam - Ball & chain & Cage

One of the most interesting things about this feature is how quickly strange stuff can happen when it comes to celebrities. Everything plays out at an accelerated pace – including relationships.

We’ve seen a ton of romantic connection burn out rather than burn on; the nature of fame makes balancing the dynamics tricky. Maybe one person is more famous than the other. Maybe one person is famous and the other person isn’t famous at all. Either way, navigating the relationship is a difficult task.

But then you have celebs who take it into a whole different place. Celebs like Nicolas Cage, who we’re absolutely thrilled to be hosting in this space once again.

Wednesday, 06 February 2019 14:05

Three Pint Stance - When beer fests go EXTREME!

Recently, I had the pleasure to pour for Gneiss Brewing Company at the 2019 Extreme Beer Festival in Boston. This is the fourth time Gneiss has attended the festival and it just gets more fun every year. 

This year brought an interesting wrinkle to the festivities, as the organizers, BeerAdvocate, asked brewers to bring “Extreme Session Beers” – beers that are at or below five percent alcohol but also utilize ingredients or techniques that make them extreme! 

There were all sorts of wonderful low-alcohol beers packed with flavor, a favorite of mine being the Key Lime Gose from Weldworks Brewing.

At Gneiss, we brewed up a beer inspired by Mexican sipping chocolate and cheeseball Star Wars jokes called “Hot Rebellion,” an Anti-Imperial Stout made with cocoa nibs, cinnamon and habanero peppers. Clocking at 2.5 percent, it had a ton of flavor but wouldn’t get you so drunk that you can’t pilot your X-Wing home.

(Editor’s note: I’m disappointed that you didn’t use blue milk in the process. That being said, I’m proud of your commitment to safety and responsibility. Friends don’t let friends fly drunk.)

New to EBF this year was the VIP ticket, which got attendees in 30 minutes early as well as access to the VIP lounge where they were serving some special beers and free pickles! I think every brew fest needs to have pickles from here on out, but that’s just me. I’ve seen some festivals where the VIP ticket doesn’t really get you much, but BeerAdvocate really seemed to make it worth the upcharge. 

All in all, it was another fantastic weekend celebrating the quirky weird things that seem to unite us all in the Brewing community. Sure, we all love a classically crafted pilsner, but sometimes it’s fun to try a beer made with hot dog water too. I mean, it wasn’t good, but that’s not the point!

It was so … EXTREME! 

Wednesday, 30 January 2019 13:44

Three Pint Stance - Bring on Flagship February

Today’s craft beer marketplace is very much a “What have you done for me lately?” type of market, where the new shiny object seems to get all the attention until some other new shiny object comes along and replaces it. This month’s must-have hazy IPA is next month’s shelf turd as a newer, even more dry-hopped beer takes its place in the craft beer zeitgeist, as it were.

Tuesday, 22 January 2019 20:40

Three Pint Stance - Help! My beer is frozen!

With the recent drop in temps as of late, I figured it would be a good time to talk about what has become a bit of an occupational hazard for me and something that maybe a few of you have experienced before: frozen beer.

During my weekly appearance on “Downtown with Rich Kimball” last Thursday, I was reminded by the namesake host himself that not everybody eats, sleeps and breathes beer every day of their lives like I do. Specifically, when I casually mentioned that choosing an East Coast IPA over a West Coast IPA has more to do with flavor preference than hometown pride.

That led me to think it might be a good use of newsprint this week to go over the major differences between East and West Coast IPAs and how the IPA style has changed over time.

A new year is once again looming, and much like many other lazy, phone-it-in columnists around the globe, I am opting to write about some arbitrary New Year’s resolutions that neither you nor I will follow.

The new year will be filled with endless possibilities, yet-to-be-discovered adventures and most importantly, NEW BEERS! Here is a list of beer-related resolutions for your 2019. Instead of setting unattainable goals and drowning in the inevitable impossibility of lofty personal ambitions, try these easy-to-follow New Beers Resolutions for a quick buzz and a shot of dry-hopped self-esteem!

‘Twas a few nights before Christmas, alight with tidings of cheer

I peeked in the fridge, to find a craft beer

The egg nog was present, snug in its spot

Along with last year’s fruitcake, long since forgot

Up and down each shelf I did franticly look

“Did I forget to buy beer?” I said as I shook

I looked past the milk, and again round the ‘nog

But all I could find was some cider and grog

No IPA, no stout, nary a lager was seen,

I’d even take one unfinished, a beer that is green

A thought crossed my mind, “Maybe it’s still in the trunk”

But I could find there was clutter and junk

So I gave up my search and headed to bed,

Sober as a judge, and filled up with dread

But as I slept, something magical occurred

A delivery of sorts, my plea had been heard

As I woke to check if it all was a dream

I beheld a sight that near made me scream

“Honey come look!” I said to my wife

She looked at me strangely and said “Get a life”

The once craft-free fridge was now filled with abundance

Epiphany, Weiss, Hipster and Substance

There was beer from up North, down South and between

E’en a rare can of Tributary Pilsner was seen

I opened the crisper and much to my delight,

A six-pack of Stein Song, so clean and so bright!

Not to be outdone, in the deli drawer I spy

A Howler from Fogtown, a spot I had yet to try!

As I continued my search, I uncovered more treasure

Cans from VT, Hermit Thrush and Good Measure

Overwhelmed, I collapsed; I had finished my standing

Only to notice Gunnars Daughter, a can from Mast Landing

Pushing aside the ‘nog, I took in the grandeur of this haul

Beers from nearby breweries, some big and some small

Stars in my eyes, I couldn’t believe my luck

My fridge, once barren, looked like a distributor’s truck!

SoMe, Foundation, Battery Steele and Cushnoc

Along with Strong, Atlantic and the Harbor of Rock

As I peered through and made way towards the back,

I found an Allagash Coolship and an Oxbow four-pack

I filled with a joy I didn’t think possible to achieve

Know this, friends: in Beer Santa, I firmly believe!

I cracked open the first, an IPA with some bite,

And settled in for a delightful December night.

So, fair Edge readers, my gift is this rhyme

It would have been better, but I ran out of time

I wish you Merry Christmas and a New Year that’s fine,

And in 2019, I resolve to be better about deadlines.


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