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Weird National Briefs (04/11/2018)

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Thirsty bandit

NORTH MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. - A masked man armed with a sticky note who was unsuccessful in his attempt to rob a South Carolina gas station then left for the next-door bar.

The Sun News of Myrtle Beach reports a man wearing a black ski mask brandished a sticky note reading “I need all the money in register” when he tried to rob Turtle Market in North Myrtle Beach on Wednesday.

Police say an employee told them that she didn’t turn over any money. Police say the man then walked to 39th Avenue Bar and Grill located next door.

The employee told police the man never spoke and that he used his elbow to push open the door as he left.

Witnesses say he left 39th Avenue Bar and Grill on a blue moped.

TME – He went with Plan B - “B” for “beer.”

Claw enforcement

TROY, Mich. - Book him, kitty.

The Troy police department in suburban Detroit added a cat to the ranks Friday after auditioning five felines from the Michigan Humane Society.

The cat will be used for therapeutic purposes and make public appearances. A Troy officer who has two cats at home is getting a new four-legged partner.

Sgt. Meghan Lehman says the department also wants to promote pet adoptions from area shelters. She says Troy students will be asked to come up with possible names for the kitten. A name will be selected through a vote on Twitter.

Troy police pledged to add a cat if it could reach 10,000 Twitter followers by April. It took just eight days to go from 4,000 to 10,000.

TME – They need help thwarting the purr-fect crime.

Meanwhile, in Alaska …

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - State officials say a man was injured north of Anchorage after a moose that he had just kicked stomped his foot in return.

KTVA-TV reports that the moose injured the man Thursday morning. State Department of Fish and Game spokesman Ken Marsh said the man escaped major injuries in the encounter. Marsh said the cow and a calf were on a trail, and the “guy was trying to go through them” when he kicked the mother.

Alaska Troopers spokeswoman Megan Peters said the two moose involved left the area after the moose stomped on the man’s foot.

Peters advised others “not to go around kicking moose.”

Marsh emphasized the vastly superior leg strength of a moose, saying a kicking contest with an ungulate is questionable.

TME – That last sentence may be the greatest advice ever given.

Duck and govern

MADISON, Wis. - A voter in a tiny northeast Wisconsin town wants to bring ducks to the polling station along with a sign that reads: “If you don’t vote, you can’t squawk.”

Winneconne town clerk Yvonne Zobel says the voter asked town officials Tuesday whether she could bring three caged ducks and the sign to the town hall during the November election.

Zobel ducked giving an answer initially, and instead checked with the state Elections Commission. It advised her to keep the ducks at least 100 feet away from the polling booths so they wouldn’t be disruptive.

Zobel says she’s going to tell the voter everyone likes the idea, but maybe it makes more sense to have the ducks someplace else “where it would prompt somebody to go out and vote.”

TME – More quacks in the foundation of democracy.

Supermarket spouses

LOWER BURRELL, Pa. - Attention all shoppers: wedding in Aisle 13.

A couple who met at a supermarket have tied the knot there with canned carrots and peas among their wedding guests.

The Valley News Dispatch reported 69-year-old Larry Spiering and 61-year-old Becky Smith married Sunday at the Community Supermarket in Lower Burrell, where they met 10 years ago.

Smith said she was working at the supermarket when Spiering walked up and gave her a piece of paper with his name and phone number on it. She said it was only fitting that they married in the aisle where they met.

The couple said they picked April 1, which was Easter Sunday, because it was close to two other important dates: Spiering celebrates his birthday on April 2, Smith on April 3.

The judge who performed the ceremony said it was his first wedding at a grocery store. Store owner George Thimons said he was glad to accommodate the couple.

Smith said after the ceremony the wedding was just what they wanted, “something nice and easy.”

TME – The honeymoon will be at Target.

All’s (not) well

ANNVILLE, Pa. - Fire officials in central Pennsylvania say a woman was rescued after she fell about 30 feet into an abandoned well.

The Annville-Cleona Fire District reports on its Facebook page that the woman was reported down the Annville Township well just before 9 a.m. Saturday.

Local firefighters sought aid from special operations and rescue teams from Lancaster and Lebanon counties, and emergency personnel “set up a vertical hauling system” and rescued her.

After the hour-long rescue operation, the woman was taken to a hospital for treatment of injuries said not to be life-threatening.

TME – She’s just lucky one of those firefighters could understand Lassie.

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