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Weird National Briefs (01/11/2017)

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Booze cruise

YORK, Pa. - Police say a Pennsylvania woman drove into a river to avoid arrest, then ignored officers and continued drinking beer as she floated in the vehicle.

The York Daily Record reports police approached the woman near a boat launch Monday to arrest her for fleeing from them earlier. She was wanted for running a stop sign.

They say she hit the gas and barreled into the Susquehanna River.

They say officers tried to communicate with her, but she just ignored them and drank her beer.

A fire department boat brought the woman back to shore.

The woman was taken to York Hospital and police continue to investigate. Her name hasn’t been released.

TME – This mad genius has invented the boatless party boat.

Sorry, right number

FAIRMONT, W.Va. - Authorities say a man stole tools from his workplace at an auto repair shop and then accidentally called his boss as he tried to sell them.

Citing an arrest report, the Times West Virginian says the owner of the repair shop in the community of Millersville told deputies that one of his employees recently called him about tools he was selling. The owner said the employee immediately hung up after he realized who he had called.

Deputies say they recovered the stolen tools after they obtained a warrant to search the vehicle and home of the worker, identified as 37-year-old Shawn Nelson Furner of Fairmont.

Furner is charged with felony breaking and entering, as well as conspiracy to commit a felony.

It is unclear whether Furner has an attorney.

TME – Prank calls: you’re doing it wrong.

Read all about it!

PALMYRA, N.Y. - The owner of a weekly upstate New York newspaper says a man bought hundreds of copies in an unsuccessful effort to keep people from reading about his drunken-driving arrest.

State police arrested Joseph Talbot on Dec. 29 in Wayne County and charged him with driving while intoxicated.

Police also charged him with refusing to be fingerprinted or photographed. They say he told troopers he didn’t want his mugshot in the newspaper.

The 12,000-circulation Times of Wayne County says it obtained a mugshot from the county jail. It says it printed the mugshot and a story on New Year’s Eve and published them online.

Newspaper owner and editor Ron Holdraker says Talbot bought nearly 1,000 newsstand copies at $1.25 each.

A telephone message left at a number listed for Talbot hasn’t been returned.

TME – Alas, that’s not how you stop the presses.


POWELL, Wyo. - Two Wyoming boys, a little bored over their holiday break, saddled up for a trip to McDonald’s and a goat followed along: “E-I-E-I ... whoa!”

The 15-year-old Joel Perez and 13-year-old Trajen Collins, rode their horses into the small city of Powell last week. They told the Powell Tribune for a story Wednesday that they didn’t plan to take the goat, but apparently it was up for an adventure, too.

Perez ordered some sandwiches, but nothing for the horses. They said they dismissed the idea of getting a salad for the goat. No word on whether they considered a “kid’s meal.”

The teens stopped by other stores to get a bowl and water for the animals.

Perez and Collins said they didn’t get in trouble with their parents.

TME – You’d think they’d go to Golden Corral.

Belly bust

AUSTIN, Texas - Authorities say a Texas man tried to destroy cocaine hidden under his belly fat while being taken to jail after failing a field sobriety test early on New Year’s Eve.

An Austin police officer pulled over Florentino Herrera early on the morning of Dec. 31 after he says he saw the 48-year-old run a stop sign and cross a solid white traffic line. Herrera was arrested after failing field sobriety tests and refusing to take a blood alcohol test.

In an affidavit, police say the squad car’s camera recorded Herrera trying to destroy cocaine concealed under his stomach fat.

Herrera is being held on charges of evidence tampering and driving while intoxicated.

TME – At least they weren’t in his butt.

Strongbox spring

WESTBOROUGH, Mass. - Federal authorities say have found about $20 million in cash hidden inside a box spring in a Massachusetts apartment as part of the investigation into an internet telecom company that prosecutors say was actually a massive pyramid scheme.

The cash was found in Westborough on Wednesday. Federal authorities charged 28-year-old Cleber Rene Rizerio Rocha with conspiring to commit money laundering in connection with the money. A lawyer for the Brazilian national could not be reached.

The seizure was made in connection with an investigation into TelexFree. Prosecutors say TelexFree had few customers and made most of its revenue from people buying into the company with a promise of payouts for posting online ads for it. They were paid with money from new recruits. Authorities allege almost 1 million people worldwide were swindled out of nearly $1.8 billion.

TME – You don’t often see a box spring with a combination lock.

Last modified on Wednesday, 08 March 2017 22:23


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