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Thursday, 22 March 2012 09:49

Celebrity Slam - March 21, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

Another fallen 'Idol'

We've long had a bit of a fast and loose attitude in this space with regards to what actually constitutes 'celebrity.' We have to, if only so we can be sure to include the seemingly never-ending waves of reality stars who appear to be anxiously awaiting their chance to be complete a-holes.

Which brings us to Jermaine Jones.

Jermaine was a contestant on 'American Idol' you know, that show that people still inexplicably watch for some reason. He had spent a significant part of his time on the show throwing out sob story after sob story, including one about his absentee dad who suddenly reappeared when his son was on the verge of fame.

Thursday, 22 March 2012 09:47

Ask Todd Parker - March 21, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a guy who just turned 30. I broke up with my girlfriend of five years about a year ago. I decided that if I didn't want to marry her I was just stringing both of us along. My dating life before her was easier since I was still in college, going to parties, and constantly meeting new people. Now I am in the realm of the adult dating world and have been a bit lost but learning quickly.

I met a girl about six months after the breakup and started hanging out semi-regularly; very low-key. I'm not looking for any kind of serious relationship or anything, but I don't know - I've been in a long-term relationship for so much of my dating life that it's all I know.

Thursday, 15 March 2012 07:17

Celebrity Slam - Mar. 14, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

Love hates Muppets

There are certain go-tos when it comes to this space. It's a wonderful day when I turn on my computer and immediately see the name of one of my favorites. It almost assures me that I'll have some first-rate, top shelf asshattery on which to comment.

Courtney Love's name came up today.

Yes yes yes we see a lot of Ms. Love in this space. If you are weary of her, I apologize. However, the fact of the matter is that she says and does a whole lot of crazy stuff. Not even Hollywood 'crazy' crazy crazy. Scary crazy. Happily, her latest insanity isn't of the abusive, apartment-burning ilk this time. Still, she has put some beloved characters right in her crosshairs.

Thursday, 15 March 2012 07:07

Ask Todd Parker - March 14, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

I recently married the love of my life. He is a sweet, caring, generous, wonderful man. We have a great relationship and I couldn't ask for anything more. The only thing is that he really likes to hit the bars with his friends two or three times a week. I'm never asked to go and it's almost as if he doesn't want me along. 

The problem is I know there are other women in the places he goes, and some of them are kind of sketchy and would probably sleep with any man with a pulse who looked their way. They're not the kind of people I would want to be around anyway, but I don't want him around them either.

When he goes with his friends, he sometimes doesn't get home until after midnight. The lateness doesn't really bother me because I really do trust him, and it is a small town so I'll know if something happens. The temptation is there though, and if anything happens, what's done is done. For all I know, he could have already slept his way through every trashy woman in town. His friends, most of whom are single, are no better.

Thursday, 08 March 2012 15:09

Celebrity Slam - Mar. 7, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Give and take

You may not remember, but Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were married for a little while. Then they got divorced soon afterward. However, unlike with most marriages, this divorce was only the beginning.

Kris Humphries has returned to the spotlight with his recent outrage about Kim's refusal to return the gifts they received from their wedding guests. Kim made a charitable donation (to the tune of $200,000 twice the value of the presents) instead of returning the gifts. It might seem a little weird that Kardashian is keeping them, but she's well within the parameters of proper etiquette. She was under no obligation to do anything, though the donation was a nice gesture.

While Humphries has said that he appreciates that Kardashian made the donation, he felt that the donation should have been made in addition to returning all the presents. He also made mention yet again that the guests were duped by Kim's 'fraud' with regards to the wedding.

Like sands through the hourglass

Where to begin? Let's start with the fact that all this donation stuff happened months ago. Are you really just now addressing it, Kris? Clearly it must have been bothering you if you spent the past three months formulating your response. That must be it, right? Or did you bring it up because you've been confronted with the fact that you're a mediocre basketball player and this is the only way you can get anyone to pay attention to you? It was nice being for-real famous for a few minutes, wasn't it Kris? Hard to let that go.

The best part of all is that one of Kardashian's friends is calling BS. He claims that he gave Humphries a $5000 gift card as a personal wedding gift and that Humphries refused to return it. So not only is he being a self-righteous d-bag about the whole thing, he's a hypocrite too!

That's not how ballers do it, buddy. Sit down on the bench and think about what you've done.

Southern-fried sexual harassment

Celebrity chef Paula Deen is in a bit of hot water thanks to a lawsuit brought by a former employee.

Lisa Jackson, who worked as the general manager of Bubba's Oyster and Seafood House (co-owned by Deen and her brother Bubba Hiers) in Savannah, Georgia from 2005-2010. She alleges that during the entirety of her employment there, she was subjected to all manner of inappropriate behaviors, including lots of racist and sexist comments. She is claiming sexual harassment and infliction of emotional distress.

Jackson claims that Hiers was constantly bringing pornography into the workplace, even going to XXX websites on work computers and never logging out, making porn a constant presence in Jackson's workday. He told her he wanted to replace the entire staff with 'Hooters girls' and complained about servers he deemed 'fat.' She also claims that Hiers told her to 'bring pictures of herself when she was young' for him to look at. In addition, both Hiers and Deen were liberal users of racial slurs, according to Jackson.

The irony is that the only reason Jackson was hired was because the man who previously had the gig was fired for you guessed it sexually harassing the staff. Said harassment led to this delightful aside: Deen allegedly said to the outgoing manager 'If you think I have worked this hard to lose everything because of a piece of p---y, you better think again, and now I'm going to do something I have never done I am going to put a woman in a man's job.'

How progressive.

While there are two sides to every story, if even a fraction of this is true, Team Deen has got some serious issues on their hands. Seriously what century is it again? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that dropping n-bombs in the workplace has been considered inappropriate behavior for some time now. I can see how that sort of language might be disconcerting in a place of business.

And the porn thing is just gross. How socially maladjusted can you be? And to throw all this at the woman who replaced the guy you fired for sexual harassment? It's just ridiculous. The dude is a troglodytic moron whose sole redeeming quality appears to be his sibling relationship to a woman capable of constructing an entire meal out of butter and bacon fat.

GodI wonder what his office smells like.

Thursday, 08 March 2012 14:54

Ask Todd Parker - March 7, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

My roommate is a great guy, but he's kind of antisocial. On the rare occasion that we can convince him to hang out, it's always a lot of fun, but most of the time, he just sits in his room and messes around online.

So his birthday was the other day. Me and the other guys (there are four of us living there) decided to take him out to the bar. He whined a bunch, but we finally got him to go. After we got there, it was a blast. Folks showed up with cake. The guy didn't pay for a drink all night. He got pretty wasted and wound up hooking up with our friend Jess (not her real name).

Thursday, 01 March 2012 09:15

Celebrity Slam - Feb. 29, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Young and crazy

We see a lot of faded stars in this space. It's easy to understand why; it must be hard to have stood at the top of the mountain, only to wind up crashing back down to Earth with the rest of us normies. However, there are always a few washed-up celebrities who take their fall from grace to a truly crazy place.

Step right up, Sean Young.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012 13:30

Ask Todd Parker - February 29, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

My boyfriend's parents hate me.

We've been dating for almost two years now, but ever since day one, they've hated me. Whenever I go along with my boyfriend to visit them, they take every opportunity to dig into me. It's not blatant most of the time, my boyfriend doesn't even notice. But those digs are there.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012 09:42

Celebrity Slam - Feb. 22, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Hating Chris Brown: A Primer

When it first hit the scene, Twitter struck me as kind of pointless, but innocuous. How much could someone really say in 140 characters? How much trouble could they possibly get themselves into?

Obviously, I was nave. People - especially famous people - can't get enough of broadcasting themselves and their thoughts. However, with the instant gratification of something like Twitter, it was only a matter of time before the filters began to fail. Poorly thought out (and spelled) tweets from celebrities have become part of the pop culture zeitgeist. But, as with everything involving the famous, there's always someone who's going to take it next level.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 10:23

Ask Todd Parker - February 22, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

A buddy and I have been debating something for a while now and I thought it was something that you might have an interesting take on.

We have this mutual friend. Call him Jeff. A couple of years ago, Jeff dated this girl for about six months. They broke up, but they still liked each other afterward. No hard feelings or anything. They both moved on from there. A couple of months after they ended things, Jeff met his current girlfriend and they're very happy.

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