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Wednesday, 25 July 2012 13:33

Ask Todd Parker - July 25, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker, 

I'm having a moral crisis in my love life. There's this woman that I am completely into. She is absolutely my ideal woman in every conceivable way. She's beautiful, but we've also been friends for years, so I already know that we have similar interests and plenty to talk about. She's smart and funny and awesome in general.

The problem is that we've been friends for so long for a reason. Up until about six months ago, she was in a serious long-term relationship with a good buddy of mine. They were together for almost four years before they broke up (she found out that he had cheated on her).

Wednesday, 25 July 2012 13:17

Celebrity Slam - July 25, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
All in the family

One might think that the tragic death of a loved one might lead a once-fractured family unit to put aside their petty differences.

In the case of Michael Jackson's family, one would be wrong. The utter lunacy is coming pretty fast and furious at this point, so it's difficult to sort out all of the particulars.

It seems to have started on Saturday night, when Katherine Jackson Michael's mother was reported missing by one of her nephews. It turns out that she was just 'whisked away from the chaos' surrounding the family home; she was taken to Arizona to see a few of the shows on her sons' Unity Tour. Unfortunately, they didn't tell anyone, not even Michael's three children the same three children to whom Katherine serves as guardian. Nor did they tell any other family membersor the LAPD.

Thursday, 19 July 2012 09:06

Celebrity Slam - July 18, 2012

Written by Allen Adams

Fallen Idol'?

It's pretty safe to assume that every single person who reads this has heard of 'American Idol.' The Fox singing competition has been one of the most popular programs on television for the entirety of its 11-season run. It spent seven straight years from 2005 to 2011 atop the Nielsen rankings, the first show in history to achieve that feat.

That epic run may be coming to an end.

Thursday, 19 July 2012 09:01

Ask Todd Parker - July 18, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

I was in a long-term relationship with a guy for a number of years. For a long time, I thought he was the one, but I gradually realized that he and I were moving in different directions and we had become incompatible in a lot of ways. So about a year ago, we broke it off amicably. Well, mostly amicably anyway. The goal was to remain friends. It wasn't easy, but I still cared about the guy, so I did my best. We didn't see a lot of each other, but it was always pleasant enough when we did.

Last week, he called me up out of the blue we hadn't spoken in a couple of months and left a message on my voicemail asking if I would like to go out to dinner with himand his new girlfriend. He told me that it was really important to him that I meet her. He also said that meeting her would be good for me and help me 'gain closure' on our relationship. It turns out that in his eyes, our mutual breakup was in fact him breaking up with me and he wanted to help me 'move on.'

Wednesday, 11 July 2012 11:33

Celebrity Slam - July 11, 2012

Written by Tim Bissell
New Idol Judges 

I don't watch much Reality TV, and when I do, it is usually something on the cable networks. Im more of a 'Dirty Jobs' or 'Storage Wars' guy than an 'Idol' or 'DWTS' guy. This doesn't mean that I don't have opinions about those shows, however.

The buzz right now is about who the next 'American Idol' judges will be. Some are saying Charlie Sheen, some are saying Adam Lambert. The answer is plain as day. 

Look, as I said, I don't watch it, but I can tell that the show has lost its edge since Simon left. They need to fill the void with someone as abrasive and snotty as he was. Steven Tyler and J-Lo can't fill those shoes. You not only need someone who will put these budding starlets in their place, but someone who has years of experience doing so.

Tuesday, 03 July 2012 12:15

Celebrity Slam - July 4, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Tom - Kat

Well, anyone who had 5 years, 7 months and 11 days in the TomKat Marriage Length Pool, you are the winner of a brand new set of bragging rights! That's right, Scientology's power couple has called it quits. Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise late last month, setting the rumor mill abuzz.

Now, I'm not going to get into the reasons for the split here, nor am I going to speculate on the rumors that Katie did this to keep Tom from sending their 6-year-old daughter Suri to an intensive Scientology institute called SeaOrg, Or that the Church was tailing Katie as of late. Nope, those are rumors that haven't been confirmed, so we, as the bastion of journalism we so clearly are, cannot in good faith report those claims.

What I am going to focus on here is the child, Suri. Sweetie, you are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Do yourself a favor and get interested in math or accounting or something boring like that. Just don't go into the entertainment field. America would probably love to see you be the next Miley or Lindsay, but don't give in. You are better than that.

Thursday, 21 June 2012 10:50

Ask Todd Parker - June 20, 2012

Written by Todd Parker

Dear Todd Parker,

I'm a party guy like you. I love going out, hitting the bars and drinking some beers. Me and my boys always have a great time. Well, I assume I always have a great time; sometimes the memory gets a little fuzzy. But that's all part of the fun, right?

Things have definitely changed recently. My buddies are all getting into these serious relationships, and they won't go out with me nearly as often as they used to. They're always talking about how they want to stay in and have a quiet night with their ladies instead of going out and tearing it up with me, or if they do come out, it's with their girlfriends, who are always a huge downer. They're all like, 'Rick can only have one beer' or 'We need to be home by nine so we can watch Grey's Anatomy'' or some crap like that.

Thursday, 21 June 2012 10:09

Celebrity Slam - June 20, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Brown vs. Drake

I for one thought the days of the old-school beef were dead and gone. In this age of constant connection and social media, so much of the disrespect that needed to be dished out face to face can now be done instantly via the power of the internet. Hip-hop hatred has become a thing that is confined to the computer screen more often than not.

But then we get something like last week's incident between Chris Brown and Drake and we're reminded that while words can hurt, thrown bottles usually hurt more.

It all went down on the night of June 13. Brown and Drake were both in attendance at a club called W.i.P. in New York City. Specifics are sketchy everyone has a different story but the general gist seems to be that Brown's and Drake's respective entourages got into a full-on brawl in the club. Said brawl involved bottles being thrown and innocent bystanders getting swept up into (and injured by) the melee, including an Australian model and San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012 14:51

Celebrity Slam - June 13, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Miss Informed?

Beauty pageants are serious business. While the millions of television watchers out there get a chance to watch the ceremony unfold and see all the glitz and glamor, there's a dark underside to events such as the Miss USA competition. One contestant in this year's pageant Miss Pennsylvania is trying to bring some of those dark machinations into the light.

There's only one problem: she's a lunatic.

Sheena Monnin represented the state of Pennsylvania in the recent Miss USA pageant. She didn't win, but according to her, it wasn't because she failed to measure up. Oh no it was because the entire thing is rigged. Her evidence? She claims that one of her fellow contestants (Miss Florida) saw a list of the five finalists before they were announced. Proof! The fix is in!

Not so fast.

Wednesday, 06 June 2012 12:49

Celebrity Slam - June 6, 2012

Written by Allen Adams
Twitter tribulations

Believe it or not, a good deal of the sayings and doings for which celebrities get slammed completely lack malicious intent. Don't get me wrong it doesn't make these things less stupid. They are very stupid. Still, most of the time, no harm is meant.

The recent controversy surrounding Gwyneth Paltrow and her Twitter feed is a perfect example.

Paltrow was in attendance at a Jay-Z/Kanye West 'Watch The Throne' show in Paris recently. She clearly was feeling it when she took to the interwebs to send this tweet: 'N----s in Paris for real.' She paired that tweet with a picture of the duo on stage.

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