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Celebrity Slam - Not-so-sly Foxx

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While we’re not afraid to venture off into the weird here at Celebrity Slam, there’s no denying that there are certain aspects of the fame landscape that we enjoy more than others.

Obviously, we love the beef. The more ridiculous and petty and ultimately inconsequential, the better. We love it when celebrities get in stupid fights about stupid things for no reason.

But we also REALLY love celebrity romance. We love it when prominent pop culture figures come together. We love it when they break up, as well, but it’s the getting together that we really dig.

(Do we really have to go through our love of all things celebrity portmanteau again? If you’ve read this space with any kind of consistency, you know darned well that we adore finding ways to blend the names of celebrity couples. It’s the best and we don’t care what you think.)

So we’re going to talk about Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes, whose coupling is perhaps the worst-kept secret in Hollywood these days.

Specifically, we’re going to talk about Jamie Foxx handling a question about the relationship about as poorly as he possibly could if he was genuinely trying to keep things on the down-low.

Foxx was doing an interview with ESPN’s Michael Smith on “Sportscenter” in advance of NBA All-Star Weekend when Smith asked a question about Holmes. Foxx, in perhaps the greatest display of non-chill in his entire life, just took off the headset and walked away. He didn’t even acknowledge the question. He also went on to duck follow-up questions about it in subsequent days.

Look – we’re not going to fault a guy for trying to maintain some sense of privacy. It’s got to be hard to have anything resembling a normal relationship when you’re both famous and one of you used to be married to Tom Cruise, so we get it. But pulling the whole silent-treatment-walk-away business? That turns it into a story, man. That’s PR 101 – you have to be smarter than that, Jamie.

(As a brief aside, can we talk about how weird this particular pairing is? Especially since Foxx and Cruise made a movie together – 2004’s “Collateral” – that was probably filming during the stretch when Cruise was just starting to woo Holmes (they got married in 2006). We can imagine that in between Scientology spiels, Cruise was talking about how great she was and Foxx was listening intently. Were the seeds for this 15-years-later romance planted then? Almost certainly not, but hey – we can believe what we want to believe.)

Of course, Holmes has said nothing about any of this because (WINK) they aren’t together or anything.

So yeah – Foxx threw gasoline on that particular fire and we can probably guess that it isn’t going away anytime soon. And since that’s the case, you know what time it is!

PORTMANTEAU TIME!

We’ll start with the obvious throwaways. We’re not going to do a double first name deal – neither “Kamie” nor “Jatie” is particularly interesting. As for the double last name, we’ve got stuff that’s a little more promising – “Folmes” is no good, but we don’t hate “Hoxx.” Still, we can do better. One could make the argument that “J-Holmes” is a solid offering, but really, it’s pretty clear that there’s only one proper answer for this one.

K-Foxx. It has to be K-Foxx, right? There’s a smoothness to it, clean and memorable. You don’t have to get overly convoluted with stuff like this. In truth, 99 times out of 100, the simplest solution is the best one.

So this is definitely a thing and we are definitely going to do everything in our power to make it happen. And let’s be clear – this is all your fault, Jamie Foxx. You opened up this big old can of worms because you somehow didn’t anticipate that a media figure would ask you a question about you not-even-a-little-bit-secret secret romance with another incredibly famous person. And then, rather than deal with that question, you walked away without acknowledgement, thus tacitly acknowledging the thing that we all already pretty much knew to be true.

Also, we’d like to go on record that while we might be busting your chops, the truth is that we are 100 percent on board with this pairing. You guys could have something nice happening here.

K-Foxx forever.

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