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Celebrity Slam - Mob Wife vs. Teen Mom

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One of the realities of working on a weekly feature such as Celebrity Slam is the fact that the term “celebrity” means different things to different people. Fame is a relative thing – just because we personally are unfamiliar with someone doesn’t mean they’re any less famous.

Reality television has further blurred the lines, because we now have a wealth of celebrities who aren’t really famous for anything other than being famous. It has become a self-propagating beast, churning out ostensibly attractive and aggressively off-putting “stars” with factory-floor regularity. There are just so many – it’s impossible to know them all. And despite our ignorance, they ARE famous – their shows are inexplicably adored by a not-insignificant number of people.

And due to the nature of the game, sometimes these “stars” have to square off against each other. Whether it’s within the confines of their own shows or in the larger reality TV-sphere, part of the deal is conflict. The more conflict you can generate – genuine or otherwise – the better.

Which brings us to the budding beef between Drita D’Avanzo and Farrah Abraham.

“Who?” is what you’re likely asking if you’ve managed to avoid their respective brands of televised trash. For the lucky among you, D’Avanzo is a former cast member on the VH1 series “Mob Wives,” having appeared on the show from 2011-2016, while Abraham shot to fame as part of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” programs for years (though some might know her from her brief dalliance with the adult film industry).

These two are mad at each other for reasons that defy comprehension.

Apparently, the two women were both working some event in Atlantic City (because OF COURSE it’s Atlantic City). Abraham took to social media afterward to take some swings at D’Avanzo, posting a group photo with a clown emoji covering D’Avanzo’s face and talking about how unprofessional she was.

D’Avanzo, in a completely reasonable and not-insane response, posted that she would happily “open-hand smack the f—k” out of Abraham if their paths should ever cross. For her part, Abraham did the usual “look how mot mad I am” response, claiming that she was being used to generate press and that her lawyers would be in touch.

As of press time, there was talk of restraining orders and other bits of actual legal implications of two idiots being idiots at each other.

We pray that you’re lucky enough to not know who these people are. Blessed is your ignorance. Unfortunately, it’s our job to know who these morons are. It’s stupid, petty bulls—t and it’s no fun.

“But wait!” you exclaim. “Isn’t stupid, petty bulls—t Celebrity Slam’s whole raison d’etre?”

Indeed. But there’s a difference. Our usual business involves people being dumb and/or unreasonable, it’s true. What makes this beef and beefs like it different is simple: it’s a contrivance. A farce. There’s nothing genuine about it. These two people are fighting because generating conflict is the only reason we know who they are. They have maintained some degree of pop cultural relevance for a decade by picking fights.

Abraham is obviously looking to start something, although her Instagram shade game seems to be stuck at “stupid teenager.” The clown move was, well … a clown move. Which only served to make D’Avanzo look even more like an idiot; getting hooked by such an obvious troll move is bad enough, but to jump straight to physical violence? Come on – we’ve heard stuff about Staten Island, but really?

There’s no doubt that this is 100 percent disingenuous. This is the bloodless plan of small-minded managers and cynical public relations operatives. This is clearly going to end with some sort of lame and utterly unsatisfying physical confrontation that conveniently unfolds in front of paparazzi cameras.

In a way, we’re not even mad – there’s something perversely admirable about a person or persons who manages to make a living by leaning into their own worst qualities. They’ve turned being garbage people into a viable career option. Obviously, the clock is ticking, but putting together a decade-long career in the public eye despite lacking any discernible skills or talents is legitimately impressive.

So yeah – Mob Wife vs. Teen Mom. It’s the Tojo Films monster movie that you never knew you didn’t want.

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