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Celebrity Slam - Mar. 14, 2012

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Love hates Muppets

There are certain go-tos when it comes to this space. It’s a wonderful day when I turn on my computer and immediately see the name of one of my favorites. It almost assures me that I’ll have some first-rate, top shelf asshattery on which to comment.

Courtney Love’s name came up today.

Yes yes yes – we see a lot of Ms. Love in this space. If you are weary of her, I apologize. However, the fact of the matter is that she says and does a whole lot of crazy stuff. Not even Hollywood “crazy” – crazy crazy. Scary crazy. Happily, her latest insanity isn’t of the abusive, apartment-burning ilk this time. Still, she has put some beloved characters right in her crosshairs.

Courtney Love is pissed at the Muppets.

You read that right. Courtney Love is angry because the Nirvana song “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was used in last fall’s “The Muppets.” So angry, in fact, that she went so far as to say that Disney and the Muppets “raped” the memory of her deceased husband Kurt Cobain with its barbershop quarter rendition of the iconic song. She claims that she has final say on where and when Cobain’s songs can be used.

First things first – who rages against the Muppets? I can’t think of a better way to ensure that absolutely no one is on your side. Also? Turns out her claim about having final say isn’t entirely true. She apparently sold half her rights to the songs to a company called Primary Wave Music – along with giving them the exclusive rights to distribute Nirvana’s entire catalog.

With regards to this particular instance, not only did Primary Wave consult with surviving Nirvana members Krist Novocelic and Dave Grohl – who both gave their permission – but Grohl actually has a cameo role in the movie. (It might have even been my personal favorite cameo in the whole thing; just saying.)

So essentially, she’s claiming rights she doesn’t have because she’s angry about something that bothers exactly no one else on the planet. Rape is a strong word in any context, but to use it because you believe Beaker and Sam the Eagle belittled your husband’s memory is not only vile, but insane. Throw in the fact that your husband’s bandmates not only approved – and one of them actually participated – and it seems that you’re once more left without a leg to stand on. Good old Courtney. I can always count on you to smear the walls with crazy.

Hm. You know, I wonder…do you think she knows they’re puppets?

Humpamania!

This item is bordering on old news, as word hit after last week’s Celebrity Slam had already gone to press. However, it’s simply too fun not to share.

Hulk Hogan’s got a sex tape, y’all!

According to Vivid Entertainment bigwig Steve Hirsch, the tape features Hogan and an unidentified woman (confirmed to be neither Hogan’s ex-wife Linda nor current wife Jennifer) doing the sorts of things you expect to see in a sex tape. At one point, Hogan apparently takes off his shirt and comments about how he’s “started to work out again.” Additionally, word is that the Hulkster’s got a righteously thong-shaped tan line.

Hogan has gone on record as saying that the tape was secretly filmed without his permission and that he and his legal team will be doing whatever they can to enforce liability.

Is anyone really going to believe that this thing was “secretly filmed”? Is there anyone on the planet not named Kardashian who loves a camera more than Hulk Hogan? You couldn’t hide a camera from that spotlight hound with anything short of the One Ring and Harry Potter’s wand. The dude knows where the camera is.

It’s a ridiculous, transparent and ultimately ill-advised attempt to get back into the public consciousness; ill-advised because ex-wife Linda wants to use it as proof of infidelity in her ongoing divorce proceeding against Hogan. Sex tapes don’t “leak” anymore – they get sent out into the world with the express intent of raising a celebrity’s profile. 99 times out of 100, it’s a deliberate choice to send it out into the world.

And who really wants to see Hulk Hogan doing it anyway? Well…unless “Real American” starts playing, he tears his shirt off and constantly calls the woman “brother.” If that’s the case, we have an early front-runner for Best Picture.

Last modified on Thursday, 15 March 2012 09:11

1 Comment

  • Comment Link Brandt Hardin Thursday, 15 March 2012 19:01 posted by Brandt Hardin

    I have to agree with Crazy Courtney on this one- Cobain is rolling in his grave. Kurt changed my life with his insightful and surreal music and lyrics and this is sacrilege. I only wished he could have stuck around to make more to listen to for future generations and stand up against things like this. I was compelled to compose a portrait of him In Memoriam recently on the anniversary of his death on my artist’s blog at http://dregstudiosart.blogspot.com/2011/04/in-memoriam-kurt-cobain-and-lane-staley.html Drop in and tell me your memories of his music and how it’s affected you.

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