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Celebrity Slam - A royal wedding

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Here at Celebrity Slam, our favorite thing to do is make fun of the rich and famous when they misstep, whether it be through words or actions. We take great delight in laughing at their foibles in the grandest sense of schadenfreude. Obviously, we don’t taunt them during times of true misery and suffering – there are some things that simply don’t warrant scorn – but for the most part, that’s our bread and butter.

But we do have a softer side that we let out every once in a while. After all, we’ve long been huge fans of celebrity portmanteaus, of bringing two names together as one. And the only way that we can do that is if famous people find romance with one another. Sure, it rarely lasts, but that’s fine – if anything, it gives us a shot at future portmanteaus. And the truth is that celebs in happy, stable relationships rarely say and do the sorts of things that gain attention from the Slam; we’re not really interested in limiting our options.

Still, we’re not monsters – we do enjoy it when the famous find happiness. They’re people too (for the most part), and they deserve to settle down with their forever loves just as much as the rest of us.

Which brings us to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

They’re officially going to do it. They’re getting married. The Prince of Wales – currently fifth in line for the throne - is gonna get hitched to Markle, an American actress – best known for her work on “Suits” -  whom he has been dating since early last year after they were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. The two are planning for a May 2018 wedding.

Yeah – we’re not going to slam anybody here.

Sure, if we wanted to, we could make some snide cracks about Markle’s acting career. She was on “Suits” – a USA Network series that you might not have known was still on the air – for seven seasons; is that REALLY a career? You’d think that Prince Harry could have managed to land a lady from a prestige show on a streaming service – or at least someone from a broadcast show. He’s royalty, for goodness sake – aren’t there any singles working on a “CSI” or one of those Chicago shows?

But we’re not going to do that.

(OK, maybe one more really quick – what are the chances that Prince Harry ever watched a single episode of “Suits” before he and Markle started dating? Zero, right? There’s no way in hell the Prince of Wales ever spent a solitary second watching that show. People who like “Suits” don’t even watch “Suits.” They were set up on a blind date – we’d bet a million dollars he had no idea who she was when they first met. Not that any of that matters, but you have to admit it’s interesting to think about.)

We kid of course, but the reality is that these two seem to be genuinely in love. Like, holding-hands-making-faces-at-each-other in love. They’re sweet together; the mutual adoration factor is high. And there’s something nice about someone as high-profile as Harry managing to build a relationship that comes off as so … normal.

Are we disappointed that this almost certainly means that we’re missing out on what could have been an absolutely AWESOME midlife crisis from Prince Harry? A little – can you imagine the kind of shenanigans a 40-year-old bachelor Harry could get up to? He showed us some glimpses when he was younger; seeing his brother ascend to the throne might push him in some pretty entertaining directions. But instead, we’re going to have a guy getting married to someone that he clearly loves and who clearly loves him back.

Boring. But sometimes, boring is OK.

One things for sure – they’re going to absolutely CRUSH the whole ceremonial royalty thing. William and Kate do all right, but they’re hamstrung a bit by the loftiness of their spot; there are certain expectations that need to be met. But Harry and Meghan don’t have that stuff – they’re going to be super fun, engaging with people on a level we haven’t seen from the royal family since William and Harry’s mom … or maybe ever.

And so we wish good luck to the happy couple as they get ready to become a royal we.

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