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Celebrity Slam (11/01/2017)

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Bizarre love triangle

One of the cornerstones of this space is the celebrity relationship. The ins and outs and ups and downs of famous people falling into and out of and back into love are ideal fodder for what we do here at Celebrity Slam.

First, we’ve got the names. Our love of the celebrity power couple portmanteau is well-documented at this point; we’ve long had a real affection for generating names for power couples. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, there’s the fact that love can make people do some pretty stupid things. And since we do so love it when famous people do stupid things, it’s a perfect fit – it’s double your pleasure, double your fun with dating celebrities acting dumb.

But these relationships almost always come to an unceremonious end. Luckily for you, we’re there to pick up the pieces. And with this latest one – Selena Gomez and The Weeknd (aka Abel Makkonen Tesfaye) – there are a LOT of pieces.

And at least one of them has a decidedly Bieber-esque shape to it.

We haven’t spent much time on Selena and Abel’s relationship in Celebrity Slam for a couple of reasons. For one, while they’ve been together for almost a year, they haven’t really gotten up to much in the way of standard celebrity relationship shenanigans. They’ve been pretty low-key for the most part. Also, we were never able to come down on a solid portmanteau for them, which, as you well know, is out primary reason for covering this sort of thing.

Seriously – the best one we came up with was “The Geeknd.” And while we kind of love it as the name for a team-building experience for comic book fans, as a celebrity power couple term, it leaves a lot to be desired. And as we’ve made abundantly clear – no portmanteau means no coverage … barring extraordinary circumstances.

But see – we might just have some extraordinary circumstances indeed.

Word on the street is that the pair have officially broken up. Again – it happens. It’s the nature of celebrity relationships. Sure, they had some good times and yes, he was there for her when she got her kidney transplant this summer, but ultimately, if it isn’t working, it isn’t working.

Ah, but the REASON that it wasn’t working – that’s the rub.

See, Selena has been spending a whole lot of time recently with an ex-boyfriend of hers, a young pop singer that you might remember by the name of Justin Bieber. They’ve been seen together all over the place in recent days – often enough to make people question exactly what the situation might be.

Sorry, The Weeknd – looks like you might be looking at a case of the Mondays.

Adding to the delight is the fact that Gomez’s family is furious that Bieber has re-entered the picture. They still lay the lion’s share of the blame for Selena’s stint in rehab for depression at his feet, saying that it was his shoddy treatment of her that led her down such a dark path. Here’s a quote from an unnamed Gomez family member:

“Justin is a vile human being and will never be accepted by us. As long as she is even speaking to him in any way, it is not only disrespectful to everyone around her, it is disrespectful to herself.”

Sounds like the Biebs probably shouldn’t expect an invite to the Gomez family Thanksgiving, eh?

We feel bad for The Weeknd – dude was just having some fun, dating this girl that he really likes, only for the d-bag ex to pop back up into her life and recapture her attention. It isn’t fair, but hey – life rarely is. The only thing to do is take a step back, reevaluate your priorities and find yourself another famous girlfriend.

As for Selena … really? Are you REALLY going to do this? You know what happened last time. Hell, the entire world knows what happened the last time. You deserve better than to put yourself through that again. We assume he’s told you that he’s changed. He probably even believes it himself. Or Beliebs it himself. Regardless, you can’t let yourself get sucked into that morass again. He’s not worth it. He never was.

The heart wants what it wants. Unfortunately, sometimes what it wants is a complete and total mistake. 

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