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Celebrity Slam (08/02/2017)

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Aliens!

We here at Celebrity Slam have known to be a bit lazy every once in a while. We’re not going to pretend that we’re above phoning it in with some low-hanging fruit and calling it a week. We’re not proud of it, but that’s the truth of it.

And honestly – did you even really notice?

Anyway, this week, we’re going to talk about Yaphet Kotto.

Who’s Yaphet Kotto, you ask? He’s not a household name, but he had a decent film/TV career – he’s best known for his death in “Alien,” but he was a Bond villain and spent six seasons on “Homicide.” That’s some solid pop culture standing right there. He hasn’t done much in the 21st century, but he’s got a long list of credits.

Oh, and also? He totally believes in aliens.

So yeah - not one of those weeks, though it certainly could have been. Seriously – Justin Bieber cancelled the last leg of his world tour without notice because he found religion. Basically, he did it because Jesus told him to. And then he hit a photographer with his truck.

That is already-on-the-ground fruit right there. That is a Pantheon-tier Celebrity Slam target begging for us to make slight variants on the same jokes we pretty much always make about him; the thing practically writes itself.

But really – we’ll get something else from the Biebs soon enough. Right now, we need to go ahead and talk about Yaphet Kotto’s beliefs regarding mankind and how not alone we are.

And we’re not talking casual beliefs, either. Kotto believes that he has seen aliens, physically touched aliens and even been abducted by aliens.

This according to an interview Kotto gave to VICE, where an unsuspecting reporter discovered Kotto’s depth of feeling about the subject. According to the actor, he has been having alien-related experiences for decades, starting back when he was just a boy. He reels off numerous anecdotes about his many encounters.

According to Kotto, this was the first time he had discussed any of this with anyone other than; as he said, “I’ve only told my wife, my rabbi and my psychologist.” He added that he hoped the absence of any project to promote would make clear his honorable intentions with sharing his story with the world at this particular juncture.

It probably comes as no surprise that we love this.

Famous people believing ludicrous things is delightful. Don’t get us wrong – we wish no ill on Mr. Kotto and are sure he has reasons for believing what he does.

That being said – come on. A guy who died spectacularly courtesy of an alien in a movie titled “Alien” has been living with the knowledge of extraterrestrial intelligences since he was 10 – this is too good (and too weird) to be true.

What must it have been like on that set? To be going around and filming these scenes, all the while thinking about REAL aliens and all the details that Ridley Scott was getting wrong and how aliens don’t even alien like that – it had to be a struggle. Honestly, if we were dealing with alien-related life stress, we probably wouldn’t agree to be in a movie where one of the slimy so-and-sos takes us out graphically.

But, work’s work. Kotto’s got to eat.

As for the timing, well … it’s odd. And when Kotto starts talking about his high IQ and all the other important people who also believe in these aliens among us, it gets a little bit of an elaborate-wall-with-tacks-and-red-yarn vibe to it.

(At this point, it should be noted that The Maine Edge has no set editorial policy with regards to the existence or nonexistence of extraterrestrial intelligence, though former TME staffer and current “Three Pint Stance” contributor Tim Bissell has claimed publicly to have seen a UFO. Or has he? We can neither confirm nor deny.)

We may never know just why Yaphet Kotto chose this VICE interview to lay bare 60-plus years of bottled-up alien feelings or exactly where those feelings may have come from. What we do know is that our week was brightened by the revelation of one man’s strange-seeming beliefs.

It isn’t Kyrie Irving believing that the Earth is flat, but hey – it’s August. We’ll take it.

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