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Celebrity Slam (05/17/2017)

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Holy Harvey!

Each week, we seek out those moments where famous people say or do things that invite our mockery. Celebrity Slam delights in teasing the rich and the famous for their tone-deafness and lack of awareness regarding the impact of their words and deeds.

This time around, however, we have received a rare gift. We have been given a wonderfully egotistical, unbelievably self-important present from someone whose d-baggery is, if we’re quite frank, wholly unsurprising.

It’s time to talk about that Steve Harvey letter.

For those who don’t know, Harvey made headlines recently when a memo he sent out to the staffers on his talk show in advance of season five made the rounds. In it, he comes off as the most arrogant, self-celebratory asshat who ever rode the combination of so-so stand-up and a magnificent mustache to fame and fortune.

In fact, we’re going to just show you the email in its entirety.

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Good morning, everyone. Welcome back.

I’d like you all to review and adhere to the following notes and rules for Season 5 of my talk show.

There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in. NO ONE.

Do not come to my dressing room unless invited.

Do not open my dressing room door. IF YOU OPEN MY DOOR, EXPECT TO BE REMOVED.

My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me.

I want all the ambushing to stop now. That includes TV staff.

You must schedule an appointment.

I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past. This ends now. NO MORE.

Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly. Either knock or use the doorbell.

I am seeking more free time for me throughout the day.

Do not wait in any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment.

I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway, and do not attempt to walk with me.

If you’re reading this, yes, I mean you.

Everyone, do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment.

Thank you all,

Steve Harvey

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Seriously – is that whole thing not a masterpiece of magnificent jerkiness? The sheer gall to basically tell literally everyone that works for you that you are far too important to be bothered by their plebian needs … it’s breathtaking.

(He’s not the least bit sorry about it, by the way. He’s made that clear in a number of interviews since the note became public.)

Look, no one is arguing that the guy should be able to have some control over the structure of his day. It’s the brazen ego of the thing, the idea that he feels comfortable telling each and every person involved with his show to just eff right off and leave him alone.

Really, Steve? Someone comes to your dressing room and you’re going to have security remove them? Because you somehow feel “ambushed”? Come on, man – you’re the boss. You’re going to set this kind of example?

Is your delicate constitution going to be somehow upset because someone looks at you while you’re in the makeup chair? God forbid someone has business that takes them through a hallway near where you engage in your daily four-hour mustache grooming ritual. And if someone walks in on you yelling obscenities at your suits like you do twice a week, well … that would be awkward. Maybe you should write a book about how hard it is to be the awesome Steve Harvey when other people insist on breathing in your general vicinity – don’t they know that the star gets first dibs when it comes to oxygenation?

Again, he has the right to his own space, but maybe he should have let someone else disseminate the details in a way that is less, you know, outright insulting. But hey – at least your entire staff thinks you’re an a-hole now, so … mission accomplished?

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