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Celebrity Slam (04/19/2017)

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Another Chris Brown brawl

Man – Chris Brown is just the WORST.

Regular readers of this space are likely well-aware of our long-running distaste for the anthropomorphized dumpster full of burning trash that is Chris Brown. He is a garbage human that is garbage, is what we’re saying. Even in an industry that attracts more than its share of just abominable excuses for people, Chris Brown stands out.

So obviously, when he once again fails to conceal his utter reprehensibility from the world at large, we’re going to go ahead and talk about that.

The latest incident involves a Brown appearance at a nightclub and a completely unreasonable and irrational fight with a photographer.

Early on the morning of April 17, Brown and his one-assumes-almost-as-insufferable entourage show up at the Aja Channelside nightclub in Tampa. They rolled in at around 1:30 a.m. When the club’s in-house photographer tried to snap some pictures – you know, his job – Brown and company shut him down, basically saying no photos.

(Which takes some of the air out of a publicity appearance, but what do we know?)

Unfortunately, Brown is utterly unable to mask his inability to have normal human reactions to events. So when the photographer was taking crowd shots – from behind Brown, who was in the DJ booth at the time – things apparently got nuts. According to the photographer, Brown went ballistic, actually jumping over a couch to come punch the man in the face – a “sucker punch,” according to the victim.

Video of the incident does seem to show Brown and a bodyguard throwing punches in the darkened corner.

Police were called, but Brown was long gone by the time they arrived. However, the report by the photographer and the extent of his injuries were enough for the Tampa police to investigate Brown for battery.

So yeah – just the worst.

Look, we’re not so naïve as to believe that this trashball is the only famous entertainment figure behaving so contemptibly. Chris Brown has not cornered the market on boorishness. However, his previous actions have completely demolished any sort of potential benefit of the doubt. He consistently behaves like an awful person, so it would seem that he is in fact an awful person.

And this story. Again, we’re not disputing our lack of knowledge regarding how this all works, but doesn’t it seem kind of ludicrous that a personal appearance intended to publicize a place couldn’t, you know, be publicized? There’s no doubt that a significant check was written solely for the dubious privilege of Chris Brown gracing you with his presence; you mean to tell me you can’t nap a couple of photos of it?

There’s no question that there could have been genuine misunderstanding with regards to the photo that triggered the incident. Brown shut down the photographer; whether he should have been able to or not, he was and he did. So it makes sense that he would be miffed about the guy clearly ignoring the previously established parameters. That’s not the issue.

The issue is the fact that he went from zero to facepunch in approximately four seconds. Most functioning humans are capable of addressing situations that anger them with at least a slight degree of nuance. We can be upset about something and find ways to deal with it that exist in the vast real estate between “doing nothing” and “brutal beatdown.”

Not Chris Brown. Chris Brown lives in a world where, despite giving every indication at every possible turn that he is little more than a tightly-coiled pile of moronic thuggery, he continues to be celebrated.

Word is that the photographer is going to sue Brown. Good. Clearly, nothing else seems to have made much of a difference as far as his behavior is concerned. Maybe a shot to the wallet will be enough to get him to find better methods of reining in his many hateful, ugly qualities. Obviously, he’s not actually going to become a better person – that ship has most definitely sailed at this point – but perhaps he can at least keep a lid on it so people don’t keep getting punched.

And finally, in conclusion - Chris Brown remains the worst.

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