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Celebrity Slam (03/15/2017)

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Power couple

In the world of the ultra-famous, relationships tend to come and go. It’s the nature of the beast – high levels of fame can put a lot of pressure on a burgeoning romance. And as that fame grows, so too does the difficulty in maintaining some semblance of a healthy relationship dynamic.

(All this leaves aside the publicity-driven pairings designed specifically to elevate profiles and expand personal brands – those ones are born with expiration dates built in.)

All that said, there’s no question that we here at Celebrity Slam are always excited when a new power couple announces itself on the scene. Of particular interest are those pairings with crossover appeal, the ones that bring together two super-famous folks that are famous for vastly different reasons. Which brings us to a new romance that is, frankly, across-the-board fascinating.

It appears that Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are a thing.

Initially, it might appear to be an odd pairing – the 47-year-old singer/actress and the 41-year-old former ballplayer/current TV guy – but the truth is that it makes a lot of sense for both.

Both have spent a fair amount of their post-divorce time dallying with much younger folks – remember when J. Lo was with Drake for a hit minute? – but have clearly settled into the idea of finding someone more age-appropriate. And they have a surprising amount in common; both have solid relationships with their exes and their kids (they both have two children of similar ages) and both are still working steadily.

They’re also both incredibly famous (although maybe not as famous as they were 15 years ago, but still – really famous) and incredibly wealthy (each of them have personal fortunes estimated in the hundreds of millions of dollars).

It’s actually kind of nice to see two people like this wind up together. And by all accounts, it seems genuine – and really, why wouldn’t it be? It’s not like either one of them needs a fame boost – they’re both rich, famous, successful and attractive.

Look, we’re all for celebrities finding love and comfort in the arms of other famous people. Sure, we get a lot of mileage out of the blowups and the cynicism that spring from many of these relationships, but we at Celebrity Slam would never begrudge anyone the opportunity to find happiness. We might come off as snarky cynics, but that’s mostly a façade; beneath our scornful veneer beats the heart of a romantic.

Truthfully, there’s just one question, one burning inquiry that really needs to be solved immediately before we can rest easy with regards to this relationship.

What’s the portmanteau?

We LOVE putting together celebrity names to create cutesy nicknames for these relationships. And while we’ve still got Kimye and the like, we’ve also lost some classics both long-term (Brangelina) and manufactured (Hiddleswift) recently. So the opportunity to bring a new one into the fold is pretty exciting.

However, it isn’t as easy as all that. Particularly with these two. Their nicknames – J. Lo and A-Rod – seem custom-made for a quality portmanteau, but if you dig a little deeper, there are cracks. Sure, we could go with J-Rod or A-Lo, but those ring hollow; they don’t have the heft that you want from a top-tier relationship nickname.

And that’s the thing – these are crazy famous folks. This dynamic warrants an interesting and memorable nickname, something beyond a simple juggling of initials. However, the names of the principals aren’t necessarily ideal for this sort of mix-and-match.

Here are a few possibilities:

You could do Jenex. Or Rodpez. Or possibly Jenex Rodpez (though the two-name portmanteau is usually considered lesser – we’re looking for shorthand here). Alifer could potentially work, although one worries if it would inspire bad Bennifer memories for J. Lo.

This is where we admit to having a bit of a soft spot for Lopex, even though it’s a bit of a nontraditional celebrity portmanteau, what with the beginning of one last name leading into the end of the other’s first name. Still, Lopex has a ring that the others don’t seem to match.

And that’s where we are. We’re going to go with Lopex, even though most will take the easy route via J-Rod or A-Lo. That’s fine – we’re not afraid to be different here at Celebrity Slam.

Best of luck, Lopex – we hope it works out for you two.

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