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Todd Parker 02-10-2016

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(Editor's note: Since Mr. Parker was busy with this week's cover story, we thought we might share an old Valentine's Day favorite from the archives. Truly, a classic. Originally appeared on Feb. 8, 2012.)

Dear Todd Parker,

Valentine's Day is such bullst. Everyone knows that it's just one more scam for corporations to make more money. Why should I hand over my cash to those a-holes at Hallmark or Whitman's or whatever just to celebrate a completely arbitrary date?

My girlfriend and I actually got together last spring, so this is the first time I've had to deal with this. She knows how I feel about the 'holiday' and she's on board with it. She thinks the whole thing is a crock too.

I don't need someone to tell me when or how to show love to the people around me. I do it every day. It's stupid to put all this emphasis on one day, especially if it's a day that doesn't actually matter to us or our relationships.

Help me out, Todd. Down with Valentine's Day!

V-Day Hater from Bangor

Dear Hater,

You sad, stupid man.

Look at you, making a brave stand against the corporate Valentine monolith. You sure will show those guys I'm sure the ten bucks you're not spending will really stick it to them.

Get over yourself.

Yes, Valentine's Day is a total shill job. So what? I repeat:so what?

You can claim that this is a 'cause' until you're blue in the face. Guess what? No one believes you. You start spouting this drivel and we immediately think 'Wow. This guy is a complete asshat. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.'

And I do feel sorry for your girlfriend. It is very sweet of her to go along with you on your douche-y little crusade, but are you really this dumb? She's saying all that for you. She's saying it because, for some unknown reason, she apparently cares about you. Despite the fact that you're an insensitive scrote.

Long story short: get off your damned high horse and buy your woman some damned flowers! I could give two sts about your principles and your corporate protests. Do it right, loser. Are you going to sit there and tell me that she doesn't deserve it? If she puts up with your smug self-righteousness on a regular basis, then she most certainly does.

Our partners deserve to be shown how much we love them every single day. The people we love should be celebrated in every way, shape and form. They should never doubt their importance for one minute. It doesn't always have to be some sort of grand gesture; just an indicator that you're thinking about them is enough.

So Valentine's Day is a corporate creation. Big deal. That doesn't mean that the sentiment behind it is any less genuine.

Todd Parker freely admits to loving Valentine's Day. Any chance to celebrate the women he loves is embraced. Any excuse to overdo is welcomed. True love is incredibly difficult to track down. When it is found, it should be honored and glorified.


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