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Weird National Briefs - 11/12/14

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Flusher felonies

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Jacksonville authorities have for weeks been looking for a suspect behind a rash of toilet flusher thefts at area businesses.

The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office reports that it received calls Oct. 27 from business owners reporting stolen toilet flushers, which can cost from $300-$800.

On Nov. 4, a McDonald's restaurant employee reported its commode flusher had been taken, and investigators obtained surveillance video from the restaurant.

A police officer identified a subject in the video from a previous arrest.

The sheriff's office on Friday said they found their flusher thief: 24-year-old James Ton.

Officers say Ton was arrested at a metal recycler, trying to unload his commode booty.

TME That's a crappy way to make a living.

Restroom rocket

THREE OAKS, Mich.- A group of Michigan rocket enthusiasts is preparing to conduct an experiment involving a modified porta-potty.

The group, dubbed 'The Throne Thrusters,' plans to launch the portable restroom thousands of feet into the air near Three Oaks. The group is mainly composed of members of Michiana Rocketry, a local high-power rocketry club that frequently launches rockets, according to Larry Kingman of The Throne Thrusters. The project has been in the works for about two-and-a-half years.

The group came up with the idea at a meeting, after one member pondered the possibility of launching a porta-potty with the right engine power, Kingman said.

'Dave McVeigh, the owner of a local retail hobby store, pointed towards the old decrepit porta-potty bathroom sitting nearby in the field and said, I'll provide the rocket motors if anyone wants to make a rocket out of that.' In the bat of an eye, everyone present had their hand up in the air saying, Count me in!'' the group's press release reads.

A company donated a decommissioned porta-potty to the group for the experiment. Members of The Throne Thrusters have equipped it with cameras, parachutes, seven motors and measuring equipment.

TME One small squirt for man, one giant poop for mankind.

Where's the beef?

RIVERSIDE, Calif.- Police in Southern California have arrested a suspected calf rustler after the animal was found in the back seat of his car.

Riverside Animal Services spokesman John Welsh says an officer approached Cesar Zamora Santana early Wednesday when the man was spotted loitering outside an auto shop.

When the officer looked inside Santana's vehicle, he saw the calf lying in the back seat. Santana told police that he bought the animal for $200 at a gas station.

Animal control officers found that the bovine's ear identification tag had been forcibly removed.

Welsh says the 150-pound female calf was turned over to a farmer to be fostered while authorities try to find its owner.

The 31-year-old Santana was arrested on suspicion of transporting livestock without proof of ownership or identifying information. No phone listing for him could be found.

TME We only pray that at some point, someone said 'Don't have a cow, man!'

Devious dating

WILSONVILLE, Ore.- Oregon police agree it was a bad first date.

They say a 23-year-old man met a woman for the first time in person Monday night after they talked online. She hopped into his vehicle at a drive-through restaurant in Wilsonville, south of Portland, and suggested he buy her a milkshake.

Sgt. Dan Kraus says the man got two $1 bills in change and put them into his wallet, which he left on the center console. Kraus says the woman grabbed the wallet, got out of the car and ran off.

The Oregonian reports the man called 911 and provided the woman's cellphone number. Officers called her to arrange a meeting at the same restaurant.

They arrested her early Tuesday and recovered the wallet - with the two $1 bills still inside.

TME She may have stolen his wallet, but he stoleher heart.

Adventures in drunk driving

NEW BRIGHTON, Pa.- Police say it's no joke: A guy drives into a western Pennsylvania bar and asks the owner for a drink.

New Brighton police say the trouble is that 36-year-old Gordon Milligan, of Pulaski Township, literally drove into Wooley Bully's bar on Sunday.

Nobody was hurt, and the building wasn't badly damaged, but the bar owner gave chase. Police say that's when Milligan asked the bar owner for a drink, before driving away and crashing into a fence.

Police say they found Milligan in his wrecked pickup and charged him with drunken driving, reckless endangerment and other charges.

Online court records don't list an attorney for Milligan, who remained in the Beaver County Jail on Wednesday. He faces a preliminary hearing Nov. 11.

New Brighton is about 25 miles northwest of Pittsburgh.

TME If they'd just put in a drive-through window, they wouldn't have these problems.

More adventures in drunk driving

PORT CHESTER, N.Y.- A 40-year-old man is facing multiple charges after New York state police say he tried to eat his DWI test results.

Troopers say Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, was stopped for speeding on Interstate 95 at 5:30 a.m. Sunday. After speaking with him, the troopers determined he was intoxicated and arrested him.

Desormes was transported to the state police barracks in Tarrytown to be processed. Troopers say when his breathalyzer tests results were printing, Desormes grabbed the paperwork and tried to eat it.

Desormes is charged with driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering.

Troopers have not released information as to whether he was remanded to jail, released with an appearance ticket, or released on bail or bond.

TME Hard to believe such a brilliant gambit failed to pay off.

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