One man’s trash

WYOMING, Mich. - Police in western Michigan have given new meaning to taking out the garbage.

Wyoming, Mich., officers hunting for a man suspected of robbing a gas station at gunpoint found him.

In a garbage can.

After officers were alerted of the robbery early Friday, they set up a perimeter.

The Grand Rapids Press reports the 32-year-old man was spotted in the trash can not long afterward.

Police recovered an undisclosed amount of stolen cash, but not the weapon.

The man’s name hasn’t been released.

TME – It’s sad to see how far Oscar the Grouch has fallen.

Officer Christ

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Darius Williams saw the light. It just happened to be blue.

According to The Commercial Appeal, a police officer found the 19-year-old Williams walking before dawn Thursday along Interstate 240.

Police said after asking if the officer was Jesus, Williams became irate in the back of the police car, pushed down the window and climbed on top of the vehicle. The officer got out and tried to talk Williams down and ended up in a scuffle with him.

Williams got away from the officer, got into the police car and took off the wrong way on the freeway. He wrecked a short distance away and was captured.

He was charged with felony theft, aggravated assault and resisting.

TME – Next time, just tell him you’re Jesus and save everyone some hassle.

That’s such crap!

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. - A West Virginia artist is charged with littering after he placed a toilet on a pedestal in a city square in what he says was a plea for more public art.

The Herald-Mail reports 42-year-old David Heatwole of Martinsburg could be fined up to $500 if convicted May 2 in Municipal Court. He tied three purple, helium-filled balloons to the toilet’s handle and attached a fake bill of sale for a “crappy work of art.”

Heatwole tells the newspaper he wanted to show the city that art can make the city a better place to live.

The pedestal he used was built last year for a planned sculpture of Martinsburg’s founder, Revolutionary War Maj. Gen. Adam Stephen. Heatwole has suggested installing a contemporary art sculpture on the pedestal instead of a historical monument.

TME – We may not know art, but we know where poop goes.

Defense by the numbers

SAN DIEGO - A San Diego scientist says he got out of a $400 traffic ticket using a research paper loaded with math and physics.

The Los Angeles Times reports Wednesday that Dmitri Krioukov, a senior research scientist at the University of California, San Diego, successfully appealed his failure-to-stop ticket with a four-page paper explaining to a judge that it may have appeared to the officer that he didn’t stop when he actually did.

Krioukov also told the judge that a campus building obstructed the officer’s view of the incident.

He says his calculations were very simple and took five to ten minutes. Writing the paper took a few hours.

Krioukov says the time spent on the paper was a minor inconvenience considering the cost of a lawyer and the ticket.

TME – Hear that, kids? Physics *is* useful in real life! Stay in school!

Facebook fail

JENKINS, Ky. - There it was on Facebook for all to see - Michael Baker with a gas can, a siphon hose stuck into a police cruiser in eastern Kentucky and a middle finger raised.

Among those who saw it were Jenkins police, who arrested 20-year-old Baker on Monday and charged him with theft by unlawful taking.

Baker told WYMT-TV in Hazard there wasn’t much fuel in the car to siphon and the stunt on Friday was intended as a joke. Baker’s girlfriend took the photo and posted it.

Police didn’t laugh. Chief Allen Bormes says that if Baker would steal from police, he’d steal from “just about anybody.”

Authorities say they plan to buy lockable gas caps.

TME – It is times like this that we wish Facebook had a “You’re a moron!” button.