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Wednesday, 05 November 2014 12:45

The Netflix conundrum

Written by Katy England

Dear Netflix,

First, let me open this letter by telling you how much I love you. It's a lot. For a very decent amount of money, I can watch a wide variety of shows instantly on my television at home: crime dramas, situational comedies, classics and a smattering of movies. But the TV shows are really where it's at when you're talking about instant if you're looking for movies, you really need to hop on the DVD plan (also reasonably priced).

Tuesday, 28 October 2014 16:58

MYOB

Written by Katy England

Facebook treated me to an article from Jezebel about a woman who caught some flak for not breastfeeding. Thing is, she apparently had breast cancer and ended up with a double mastectomy, during which all of her viable breast tissue was removed. If the procedure was done properly, no milk will come.

This didn't stop people from telling her all about the benefits of breastfeeding. And encouraging her to try. Seriously.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014 18:53

Up to speed

Written by Katy England

Now that the kids are older and able to maneuver through the yard without feat of grievous bodily injury, I can actually do things around the yard while they are outside.

So, I will occasionally get it into my head that I can act like a normal human and do things like rake the yard, trim the verge or work on projects. Much of the time, this is an exercise in frustration. I get two minutes into something, and a fight will break out that needs mediation and time out, followed by more time out - rinse and repeat.

Tuesday, 07 October 2014 14:53

The stages of ick

Written by Katy England

Illness manifests in stages. It's like watching a horror movie you see the first insidious signs of infection. After going through varying stages of anger and denial, you have to face facts.

The kids deal with being sick in slightly different ways. During the day, nothing fazes the boy. Stuffed up, goopy nose and sneezing, he will re-enact Thomas the Tank Engine movies in their entirety while bombing around the house. It isn't until the evening that it really starts to take a turn for the worse. Poor dude can't sleep with his nose clogged (show me someone who can).

Wednesday, 01 October 2014 08:53

Mom-munity

Written by Katy England

Mom-munity - or mom-immunity if you prefer - is defined as the temporary immunity to icky diseases that infest your home, keep you kids up at night, and generally cause mayhem and misery for the duration. The mom loses said immunity once everyone has been cured of this ailment, been nursed back to health, and received sufficient snuggles, hot teas and homemade soups.

You are never guaranteed mom-munity, you can only hope you get it. Total immunity, is of course, preferred, but good luck with that.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014 22:41

Balancing acts

Written by Katy England

There is a fine line between everything about raising kids. Between letting them learn on their own and making sure they aren't going to kill themselves. Between tough love and really not-so-tough love. Between the desire to have some free time and knowing that if you leave them alone something will probably get broken, drawn on or eaten.

It's hard because there are no rules. Sure, you can go on the internet and be told various different ways to balance taking the hard line with hugs and kisses (and to be clear, my hard line involves timeouts and ignoring rude behavior).

Wednesday, 10 September 2014 23:39

Forget me not

Written by Katy England

The running joke is that the babies ate my brain. Even in utero, my mental capacity shrank considerably. Since they've started sleeping through the night, things have gotten better, but I think it's safe to say that I'm still not 100 percent. I'd be the first person to tell you that I'm a crazy person but I happen to know what kind of crazy I am. I'm the forgetful crazy.

When I had a recent 'annual' physical I knew I was late like a year late. I did the math, because my kids make great watermarks for when I last did a thing. I had a full memory of speaking with one of the RNs about planning a playdate (that never manifested because of the aforementioned eaten brain). But they said I was later than that that I must be remembering something else.

Wednesday, 03 September 2014 18:53

What did I just say?

Written by Katy England

I never realized that the weirdest things I'd hear spoken in this house would be things my husband and I say to the children. In retrospect, I probably should have expected that, considering some of the things I'm sure my parents asked me (e.g. Dad: 'Katy, where did you get that gum?' Me age 3 at the circus: 'On the floor.' Me age 34: 'Gross').

Sometimes you ask kids questions to figure out what caused the commotion. Since they do spend some time on their own (in their rooms, doing something that resembles napping or playing quietly), I don't always know what has happened to cause a fuss, so I try to find out. It's like being on a really bad 'Law and Order' episode with insane people. You're desperately looking for clues, but even if they speak English they aren't making much sense.

Wednesday, 06 August 2014 11:04

Getting it

Written by Katy England

People without kids don't get what it's like. This sounds patronizing, condescending and borderline rude. But it's a compliment when you strip it down to the brass tacks. It just means that, if you don't have kids, chances are you are a well-adjusted person who isn't constantly faced with irrational people and doing insane, disgusting things with your bare hands.

I engaged in an online discussion with some of my virtual mommy friends. Someone noted that one of her child-free friends was shocked and appalled when her little one decided to eat a floor Cheerio: 'You're going to let her eat that?'

Wednesday, 23 July 2014 11:02

Three-to-one tantrums. Do I get one?

Written by Katy England

I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.

Bilbo Baggins to Gandalf, 'The Fellowship of the Ring' by J.R.R. Tolkien

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