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Katy England Katy England
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Edge Mom: Risk vs. reward

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Sometimes you learn things about yourself that are disturbing. I had such a lesson during last week's vicious snow storm. It was nasty out, the roads were horrendous, accidents everywhere you looked. But when the event I had lined up babysitters for was cancelled, I was bummed.

Despite all the odds, I still wanted to be able to go out, and I was mad. Not mad at perfectly reasonable people for doing perfectly reasonable things, like cancelling a performance due to nasty weather. I was mad at the weather personified. I'm aware that the weather is not a person you should really get mad at. But that didn't stop me.

It's the same level of angst I used to reserve for when I was angry at my parents for 'ruining' my life. (To be clear, my parents never ruined my life. But I was a teenager.) And even though it makes no sense, I still understand those feelings. After all, it takes a lot of work for both my husband and I to go out at the same time.

We have to have something we're both pretty keen on doing. In this case, it was seeing live improv. Then we have to see if we have coverage, my in-laws enjoy watching the kids, but also have lives of their own. Then we have to physically be able to go. And this was where everything fell apart. I mean, come on, Mother Nature it's not like I ask for a lot. Just the occasional night on the town where I can hear adults cussing like adults and laugh about it. It was like nature went out of her way to ruin my night. After all, hardly anyone saw this one coming. The storm literally stalled out on top of my plans like a big, fat jerk. Not even a week after that damn gopher said we were getting an early spring (yes, I am also irrationally pissed off at a ground hog why would this surprise you?).

It's like my brain was split into two halves, and both were making an argument. My rational side, in a calm and measured tone would say: Look, your Facebook feed is blowing up with reports of car accidents, worsening conditions and pleas from authorities to stay home. No sane person wants to go out in this. You will have another chance to have a nice time.

My emotional brain sat with her arms folded over her belly, simply stuck her tongue out at the rational brain, and then flipped off the snowstorm for good measure. How mature.

I'm sure there will come a time in my life where going out won't feel like such a circus. I'm sure there will be a time in my life where I don't get sassy at anthropomorphized personifications of natural phenomena. I'm sure there will come a time when I feel less crazy. But I think it won't be for a couple years.

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