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Weird National Briefs (02/28/2018)

February 27, 2018
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Pants poop purpose

CORSICANA, Texas - Police say a Texas woman attempted to hide evidence during an arrest by defecating in her pants and using the feces to conceal drugs.

Officers in Corsicana, about 55 miles south of Dallas, were investigating a report of a theft at a grocery store on Wednesday when they attempted to subdue a female suspect and take her into custody. Police say they placed Shannen Martin in the back of a police cruiser where they say she intentionally defecated in her pants then hid a crack pipe, 2.3 grams of crack cocaine and a Valentine’s Day card in her excrement.

Officers had to sift through the woman’s feces to retrieve the evidence after Martin was booked on charges of tampering with evidence and possession of a controlled substance.

TME – Nothing like hiding crack in your crack.

Accidental arson

FERNDALE, Mich. - Authorities say a suburban Detroit man destroyed a home by using a smoke bomb in an attempt to get skunks out of a crawlspace.

The Detroit Free Press reports firefighters responded Monday night in Ferndale and found flames in the crawlspace and on the first floor. The fire spread through the walls of the rental home to the attic. Crews put out the fire, but it burned through the roof.

Fire Chief Kevin P. Sullivan says no skunk carcasses were found.

The newspaper says a responding firefighter had a sprain, but no other injuries were reported.

Sullivan says the department advises that people hire pest control professionals. He notes, however that “if one is an absolute die-hard do-it-yourselfer, please read and understand the directions and warning labels” on such devices.

TME – That stinks.

Scout’s honor

WEST CHESTER, Pa. - One Pennsylvania resident has been called to perform his civic duty a few years earlier than expected.

Jeanette Fox says her son came running to her with a summons from the Chester County court to appear for jury duty in March. Her son, Luke, is only 11 years old.

Fox says she tried to go online to request an exemption, but there was no option to select for those too young to serve. She says she made multiple phone calls, and a person who answered said the county had recently changed companies that pull the list for people who receive summonses.

The error was eventually fixed, but Fox says her son was excited to go. Luke is a Boy Scout, and he toured the Chester County Courthouse last year.

TME – You could do worse – “trustworthy” is right there in Scout Law.

Love in an elevator

PROVIDENCE, R.I. - One bride says she almost missed her wedding reception after getting stuck in an elevator in Rhode Island.

Melissa Rodger says she was heading to the 18th floor of the Providence Biltmore hotel Saturday when the elevator stopped within four feet of its destination. She says a bridesmaid alerted her husband shortly afterward that a “situation” was going on.

The fire department was called to the scene and pried the doors open to get Rodger out. A technician later got the elevator working again.

The process took about 45 minutes.

Rodger says the reception started about 20 minutes late, but everything else ran smoothly.

TME – What an uplifting tale.

Pastor disaster

TOLEDO, Ohio - Police say a gun-wielding Ohio pastor and two family members have robbed a Sunday school teacher at their church.

The Blade newspaper reports St. Paul’s AME pastor Anthony Morris, along with his wife, Zelda Morris, and 19-year-old daughter Kamali Morris have been charged with aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon.

Police say 39-year-old Nickema Turner, of Maumee, was in her class teaching over the weekend when the teen grabbed her by the hair. They say Zelda Morris punched Turner in her face and the pastor then threw Turner to the ground. Police say Zelda Morris dumped out Turner’s purse and took items including a stun gun and cellphone. The pastor allegedly held a gun on Turner.

No attorneys are listed in court records.

Turner was treated at the scene.

TME – They take the collection plate VERY seriously.

After-hours official

NEW YORK - New York City is still waiting to see who will become its first ever “night mayor.”

The nightlife ambassador position was announced last fall by Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio, who said the position would serve as a point of contact between city agencies and the city nightlife industry. The New York Post reports Democratic City Councilman Rafael Espinal, who sponsored legislation creating the position, says he hasn’t heard any word about a confirmed appointee.

Espinal says the city is vetting a candidate and the post will be filled in the next few weeks. A spokeswoman for the mayor’s office declined to provide a timeframe for the announcement.

The Office of Nightlife and 12-member Nightlife Advisory Board were established last year.

TME – It should be Batman; he could be the Dark Knight Mayor.

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