Dear Todd Parker, I'm in a bit of a bind and I was hoping maybe you might have a fresh perspective for me. There's this woman that I'm really interested in. We've been hanging out fairly regularly over the past couple of months and she's everything I've been looking for. We have a lot in common, she makes me laugh, she's smoking hot; basically, she's the total package. I haven't told her how I feel yet, though, because there's a complication. Her roommate. This roommate, who we'll call Lisa, is a perfectly nice girl. She's very sweet. She's also kind of irritating in large doses and has no concept of privacy. That makes it tough to get any alone time with the girl I'm actually into. Plus Lisa is apparently into me. So what the hell am I supposed to do about this? I really like this girl, but how can I make it happen? Lisa is nice and all, but I'm totally not interested. Tell it to me straight, man - am I boned? - Frustrated in Bangor Dear Frustrated, Yes. You are boned. As boned as boned can be. Look, dude. Don't ever get between roommates; you'll never win. Well, occasionally you'll win, but that's a much different set of circumstances. And a very different letter. You might as well give up. You never mentioned how you found out that Lisa is into you, but I have to figure that if you know, the roommate knows. And unless she's the kind of cold-hearted uberbitch that you don't want in your life anyway, she's not going to throw Lisa under the bus for the likes of you. If you can handle being friends and all that, by all means stick around. But that also means dealing with Lisa's mooning all over you; eventually, you'll have to say something. In which case, you're probably never going to see your love interest again. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So yeah. Boned. It's just as well. If you don't have the brainpower to figure this out on your own, both of those ladies are better off without you around. Perhaps you'd best leave this sort of thing to us professionals.