Dude Shopping 101 By Allen Adams edge staff writer aadams@themaine.edge I'll be the first to admit that I'm not much of a holiday kind of guy. Oh, I like some of it – the celebration of family, the goodwill, that sort of thing – but for the most part, Christmas just leaves me cold. Especially when it comes to Christmas shopping. There are few things in this world that are more painful to me than the experience of shopping for Christmas gifts. The rampant crass commercialism, the huge crowds, the constant stress emanating from everyone around you...it's just too much for me. And that's why I tend to do the entirety of my shopping in a single afternoon. No lists, no specific items in mind; just a vague sense of what I want to get and where I need to go to get it. Boom. In and out. A surgical strike. And so off I went to the mall. [Author's note: Since my loved ones will likely be reading this story, I am going to be intentionally vague about the specific items purchased. One of the things I do like about Christmas is the surprise of opening a gift.] The first stop is always the bookstore; usually Borders. It's always the bookstore because I always buy books as gifts. Not that I necessarily think they'll read them, because people don't really read anymore, but I love books and think others should too. So, they get books. Other stuff too, but my family knows there will be at least one book under the tree from me to them. After about 30 minutes, give or take, I was on my way out the door with a bag of half-a-dozen books and a spring in my step. Smooth as silk. Of course, then there was the driving. I've seen worse holiday mall traffic – last year, I actually spent close to an hour just trying to get out of the Borders parking lot, then another 20 minutes leaving the mall area. Perhaps the angriest I've ever been. This was nothing like that, though certainly plenty enraging. Then it was hunting for a parking space, leaving the car and making my way into the heart of darkness. The Bangor Mall was no place for the faint of heart that day, I tell you. It was interesting to watch the dull-eyed masses trudging from store to store, completely exhausted yet still striving to find that perfect gift for their husband, wife, child or friend. It's there, in that desire to get it right, that resides the one saving grace of holiday commercialism. Yes, we're all there to buy things that we probably don't need, but it all (OK, mostly) springs out of a good place. For Dad, it was a trip to Sears. There's more for your life there, in case you hadn't heard. For Mom, it was Bath and Body Works, Macy's and pretty much every kiosk in the joint that carried something pretty. For my sister, Olympia Sports and Macy's (along with one other store that I can't mention because she'll immediately know what I got her). For my friends, B Dalton Bookseller and the aforementioned Borders. If you're not blood, chances are you're getting a book. Suck it up. And that's that. Done. All told, I spent two and a half hours and filled my entire Christmas list. Gone in 150 minutes. Everybody got something that I feel like they will really appreciate. Did I hit any home runs? Probably not, but it was a solid performance overall. It's all about the spirit of giving, and as you all are aware, it's the thought that counts.