Overtures were made to MySpace starting in the early fall of 2011, although in truth, said overtures were really just a bunch of Google execs going to a Justin Timberlake concert and partying backstage.
“Oh yeah. They came to me with this idea and I was like, that’s the bomb!” exclaimed an effusive Timberlake, who is a co-owner of MySpace. “I was all like ‘I don’t care what they say, Google+ is dope.’”
Timberlake then leaned in conspiratorially.
“But then I was all like ‘But MySpace is dope too, yo’ and they were all like ‘Yeah it is.’ We went from there.”
And go they did. Individually, both sites are largely devoid of population, although MySpace at least has the remnants of a once-great online community. Those isolated outposts still stand. Meanwhile, Google+ has never been populated by much beyond tumbleweeds. Together, however, these two combine to create the largest chunk of unused, unwanted social networking real estate in the entirety of the Internet.
The current plan is to launch the rebranded GooSpace+ in the height of summer in order to minimize the number of casual users who will actually be spending time indoors. There have also been talks regarding massive half-screen ads and a complete elimination of pop-up blockers, as well as a much more complicated sign-in process. In addition, the site will be designed to immediately transmit any and all personal information to Google headquarters, as well as to three completely random strangers.
“When it comes to Google+, our company motto has always been ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, flail mindlessly at them until you fail in a truly epic fashion,’” said a Google employee speaking under the condition of anonymity. “I’m not one for guarantees, but if I was a betting man, I’d say that GooSpace+ has a chance to be the most epic of them all. This project has the potential to be one of our company’s most magnificent screw-ups.”
He paused to wipe away a tear.
“Such vast emptiness. It will be beautiful.”